D’Agostino check-out counter girl, loudly into the store intercom: Jason, what’s your password?
–D’Agostino, Greenwich & Barrow
Archive for July, 2006
When He Drinks, the Human Torch Behaves Badly
Drunk guy: Hi, my name’s Bobby Flamer.
Girl: Haha, there’s no way your last name is really Flamer.
Drunk guy: No, seriously, look at my ID.
Girl, looking at ID: This says your name is Eric Flamer.
Drunk guy: Yeah. I lied.
–Bar None, 3rd Ave between 12th & 13th
Overheard by: Zak Santucci
In Some Countries, Losing Your Virginity Doggy-Style in a Bathroom Stall Is Considered a Rite of Passage
Mother: It’s ok, honey.
Teenager: I just feel like a slut.
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: DaFunk
It’s Getting Harder and Harder to Keep Up With Trends
Hostess: Actually, you are sitting on the table.
Customer: Oops.
–Sushi Samba, 7th Avenue South
Overheard by: AJ Stone
No, Dear Heart, I’m With You
Queer: I would never want my little girl to be in Girl Scouts!
Girl: Why?
Queer: Because Girl Scouts is for lesbians.
Girl: That’s not true! I was in Girl Scouts, and I’m not a lesbian!
Queer: Yeah, but you’re fat and alone.
–Washington Sq Park
How Do They Taste?
Hobo: Can anyone spare some change? Please, I’m homeless and hungry.
British tourist #1: Is that the same bloke from the earlier train?
British tourist #2: No, I think it’s a woman.
British tourist #1: Oh! Poor thing. I wish we had a brassiere to give her.
–F train
City Mouse Needs to Get Out More
Observant girl, pointing at something on the sidewalk: Is that an animal?
Downright perceptive guy: No. That’s a pair of pants.
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: Peter Horan
What Do You Think This Is, Tower Records?
Customer: Do you have the documentary on Marlene Dietrich made by
her nephew, David Riva?
Sales girl: Who’s that again?
Customer: Marlene Dietrich.
Sales girl: [blank look]
Customer: Come on, Dietrich!! You know, Garbo, Monroe, Dietrich…
the big ones.
Sales girl: Hey, I’m sorry. I don’t know everybody.
–Virgin Megastore, Times Square
Overheard by: Gladys M
Headline by: Steve
Runners-Up:
· “A Virgin employee apologizing… she must be new, she hasn’t grown a superiority complex yet” – Matthew McGuirl
· “Have you ever read anything by Seuss?” – Steve Harhart
· “He never could deliver a pick-up line without getting angry” – AK
· “I Need a Gay Male Employee at the Front Desk Please, a Gay Male Employee” – Jennifer Koretsky
· “I think she was in something with Tom Cruise…?” – Michelle
· “Plus he lost her at “documentary”" – Amy Stephenson
· “Sales clerk caught unaware of hip new trend called “History”" – Andy
· “She wears a nametag to satisfy her own curiosity” – Amanda
· “They’re Dead to Me” – Toby
· “Wait. . . Your’e Telling Me Stuff Happened Before I Was Born?” – DanC
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And a Year’s Free Whispered Comments From Strangers
Arguably redeemable patient: What is the fee for breast implants?
Secretary: $1100
Arguably redeemable patient: $1100? Does that include, like, installation?
–NY Presbyterian Hospital, E 68th St
Overheard by: Johnny Drama
At Least According to US News & World Report
Lady #1: You need a school ID?…What the hell, let’s sneak in!
Lady #2: I’ve been thrown out of better places than Columbia!
–Outside Avery Library, Columbia University