White hipster #1: Yeah, I just moved into a place in Bushwick. I’m the only black guy for, like, five miles.
Other white hipsters stare at him.
White hipster #1: What?
–Yale Club, Vanderbilt Ave
Archive for July, 2006
Homelessness: The Secret Path to Wealth
Drunk #1: They found that homeless guy dead with $40,000 sewn into the lining of his coat.
Drunk #2: How could a homeless dude save $40,000?
Drunk #1: He’s homeless; he don’t pay rent!
–2 train
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
But Then What Will He Use as a Toilet?
Hobo: Can you spare some change for the homeless?
Drunk girl: Yeah, right. Sell that backpack first.
–4th & Broadway
Overheard by: Andrew Schulte
Yuppie Child Enters Lifelong Apprenticeship
Little girl, reading children’s book aloud: Mariko is Japanese. She eats sushi.
Mom: But we know that [pointing to picture] is actually sashimi.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Caitlin
To Say That This Would Hold Up in Court Would Be the Understatement of the Century
Wife: But, sweetheart, that sort of makes you a terrorist.
Husband: Look, just because I like to blow things up doesn’t make me a terrorist. I’m white!
–Norfolk & Rivington
Overheard by: Adam
Wasn’t This a Patrick Dempsey Teen Movie?
Mid-20′s woman #1: What’s the best way to get puke out of leather?
Mid-20′s woman #2: I think you’re too old to be asking that question.
–140th & Broadway
Mom Gets Her Inner Ho-Bag Out of the Garage
Man: It was nice to meet you. Now will you shake my hand?
Little boy: No.
Man: Why not?
Little boy: Because she gave you her number, but she already has a boyfriend! I don’t like that.
Woman: Shut up. That’s not true.
Little boy: If it isn’t, then why did it say “Jason and Trish, together forever” on your phone, when I turned it on right now?
Woman: Together forever, my ass; now shut up!
–Q37 bus, Liberty Ave
I Started Having Bad Dreams About Daddy and Grandma When I Was 4
Grandma: Now, your daddy didn’t come out of my vagina. He was sideways, so he couldn’t come out of my vagina. His body couldn’t fit out of my vagina.
4 year old: Oh.
–Bodies exhibit, South Street Seaport
It Was a Little Hard to See in Your Mouth, Cynthia
Girl #1: I noticed his abs.
Girl #2: I noticed his ripped shirt.
Girl #3: Wait, so neither of you noticed his huge erection?
–F train
Overheard by: Michelle
But the Rocky Mountain Oysters Are a Little Better Back Home
Tammy Ealom: When I’m in New York, I eat way too much Chinese food.
Dude: Did you go to Chinatown?
Tammy Ealom: No, just some place up the street. When you come from Denver, pretty much everything is good.
–Dressy Bessy show, Sin-e, Attorney & Stanton
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer