Mother: Don’t you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Miranda
Archive for July, 2006
Better Money Than Her Allowance, But Longer Hours
Old Russian man approaches teen girl and says something in Russian.
Teen girl: What?
Russian man: You don’t speak Russian?
Teen girl: No.
Russian man: Oh, well you want job?
Teen girl: No.
Russian man walks away.
Girl’s mom: I think he wanted to hire you for an escort service.
–Sheepshead Bay train station, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Waiting for the bus
Preschool Boot Camp for the Battle Between Men and Women
Mother: Thas what you gotta watch out for: those assholes.
3-year-old daughter: Okay, Mommy.
–14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Sanandara Bong
Now He’s Planning to Trade the Woman and the Magazines For the House
Clerk: 20 copies [of ELLE Decor]?
Older man: My Hamptons house is on the cover.
Younger woman: Actually, it’s not his house anymore.
Older man: It’s my ex-wife’s.
Younger woman: Yeah, he traded the house for me!
–Magazine shop, Gramercy
Actually They’re Named For the 80′s Girl Group
New York girl: Wait, who are the Bengals?
Cincinnati girl: Our football team
New York girl: Wow, that sucks, to be named after a kind of bracelet.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: leilah
Someone Should Tell Her the Classy Part Is Contained in 0.25 Square Miles of the Upper East Side
Mother, to little boy, who is trying to sneak behind some dividers: Stop it. You can’t do that!
Little boy: Why not?
Mother: Because this is New York! People here have more class than you!
–Bouchon Bakery, Time Warner Center, Columbus Circle
Or Single. With Chlamydia.
Guy #1: That girl’s not too bad looking. How old, you think? Married, possibly?
Guy #2: She looks 26 and pissed off.
Guy #1: So she must be married.
Guy #2: With kids.
–Madison Ave
Mr. Narcissus Kept Trying, Though
Drunken friend: That looks like the place to be! I’m going in that room.
Sober friend: Dude, that’s a mirror.
–Rivington & Clinton
Maybe Next Time You Won’t Smoke Crack During the Third Trimester
Mom: Look at this! Look at all this! You’re in nature! Aren’t you having fun?
Little boy: No.
Mom: Well then there’s something wrong with you.
–The Great Lawn, Central Park
The Most Expensive Birth Control in the World
Man #1: Aw, man, that’s not right. She’s pregnant.
Man #2: All the better– that means you can bust right inside her.
–Boardwalk, Coney Island
Overheard by: Lauren