Overheard In New York

Archive for August, 2006

2000 Years of World History Say, ‘Yes’

Girl #1, watching clean-cut white guy who is playing his clarinet for money: What’s he doing peddling on a subway?
Girl #2: Do we have to give him money because he’s white?

–Downtown C train

Working Title: To Ralph, With Love

“Art” chick: So your film is only 7 minutes long. What it’s about?
“Film” chick: I don’t really know what it’s about, but I can tell you what happens. It’s in a classroom, but, like, it’s really just a room…When Karen vomits in the corner, it’s really exquisite.

–DuMont, Union Ave, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Philip

NewsFlash: After Renovations, MTA Announces Elimination of ‘Gap’ Accidents, Along With Total Immobility of All Trains

Conductor: When exiting, please watch the gap between the train and the station platform.
Older woman: Why don’t they just fix the gap? Then they wouldn’t have to bother saying that.

–LIRR

Overheard by: glad I don’t live in LI

That’s Because She Was Carried

Girl, wearing men’s boxer shorts and sweatshirt, on cell: It was so awkward walking out of his room this morning…because I didn’t remember walking in!

–Starbucks, 14th & 6th

Overheard by: just trying to get my morning coffee

Except in This One, It’s Okay For Beaker and Dr. Bunsen to Experiment With Kermit

Tourist husband: So what is this show about?
Tourist wife: I believe it’s like a Muppets story. –Avenue Q, Golden Theater, W 45th St Overheard by: Jose
Headline by: Michael
Runners-Up:
· “The Muppets Take Manhattan, Roll It Over, Pull Its Hair and Make It Call Them ‘Daddy’” – Colin McCleod
· “…And Miss Saigon Is About a Beauty Pageant” – bri b
· “And Porn Is Like a Plumbing Story” – jdw
· “And the Dinner You Took Me to at Olive Garden? That Was Like Italian.” – Andy Klingenberger
· “Avenue Q Tickets: $120. The Looks on Vernon and Estelle’s Faces When They Hear ‘The Internet is for Porn’: Priceless” – what i wouldn’t give to watch them watch the show
· “Everyone’s a Little Misinformed” – ian
· “Maybe If the Muppets Took Fire Island” – Broomrider
· “The Same Way That Debbie Does Dallas Is a Travel Documentary” – Kristin Sacre
· “Today’s Letters Are S, E and X, and the Number Is 69″ – Iain, London

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Oh, That Rooftop Party

Barista: Man, I need some Vicodin.
Female customer: Let me look in my bag. [Looks in bag] No, must be in my other bag. My butterfly bag.
Barista: Oh.
Female customer: Last year, when I was depressed, a friend of mine took all my drugs. Then I went to her place, and I said, “Hey, can I have my drugs back?” So she gives me this one bottle. And later I go in her bathroom, and I look in the medicine cabinet, and they’re all right there. I mean, why would she leave them there? She had to know I’d just go in there and take them back.
Barista: Ah.
Female customer: And later I went to a party–you know, that rooftop party–and someone stole all my OxyContin.
Barista: I was just kidding. I’ve had a stressful day.

–Alt.Coffee, Ave A between St Mark’s & 9th

You Think You’re Sick, and Then New York Shows You What ‘Sick’ Really Means

Guy: Is it just me, or does being sick make you really horny?
Girl: I’m pretty sure it’s just you.
Guy: Oh. Well that may be because I’m just really horny all the time.
Girl: Then get away from me and watch some pornos.
Guy: I don’t think that’s the remedy I had in mind.
Random guy: There’s no shame in masturbating, my brotha. It’s totally natural. Hell, I do it all the time. I just did it five minutes ago in the Starbucks bathroom.
Girl: Run!

–Union Square

Overheard by: was on my way to Starbucks until I heard this!