Girl: And can I get brown rice with my order?
Waiter: No, we don’t have brown rice here. Only white rice.
Girl: Oh, OK.
Waiter: We don’t consider brown rice Chinese food.
–40th & 2nd
Archive for September, 2006
That’s Why You’ve Got to Get in There Before Meals
Building engineer #1, watching pretty girl disembark: Pretty girl.
Building engineer #2: Very pretty.
Building engineer #1: You know, I would eat a pile of shit to get to that ass.
–Elevator, 130 Liberty St
It’s Like Being Erased from the Book of the Universe
Young woman: How many children do you have?
Old woman: Two… well, I had three, but one moved to Florida.
–Doctor’s office, 166 E. 63rd
He Plans to Raise Free-Range Children
Guy #1: That was a beautiful pit bull.
Guy #2: Yeah, I’d love to have that pit bull, but I’m not responsible enough to have a dog. I’m gonna have some kids first so they can be responsible for the dog.
–Amtrak train
No One Takes Their Music Seriously Until a White Person Records It, Anyway
Girl: I just heard a Britney Spears cover. It was odd.
Guy: I like her cover of… I think it was a James Brown song.
Girl: "My Prerogative"?… oh, no, that’s Bobby Brown.
Guy: It was some brown person.
–57th & 8th
It’s Just Some Gas
Goth guy: Stop looking so happy!
Goth girl: I’m not happy!
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: djingo
And This Damned Restraining Order Is Not Helping a Bit
Guy #1: I love how pretty girls smell good.
Guy #2: Yeah. Have you ever sniffed one?
Guy #1: No.
–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Olivia
Which I Would Spell Out if I Didn’t Feel So Light-Headed
Skinny fashionista: If you just eat like I eat and exercise, you’ll lose weight. I swear!
Normal woman: But you hardly eat anything. Don’t you get hungry?
Skinny fashionista: You are totally missing the point!
–Bar, Soho Grand
Overheard by: Manhattman
… Mom
Lady: You’re making me wet… I SAID you’re making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I’m flattered, but it’s not that big.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sloane
The Paradoxical Height Thing Makes Them Insecure and Eager to Please
Schoolgirl #1: You know that tall short blond girl?
Schoolgirl #2: You just described about 250 girls in our school.
Schoolgirl #1: Um… the one who isn’t a whore.
Schoolboy: That narrows it down to about five.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: Fareeda