Archive for September, 2006

It Smells That Way ‘Cuz St. Peter Was a Fisherman

Little Girl: Mommy, where is heaven?
Ghetto Mommy: Right around the corner from my ass. –Astoria Blvd Overheard by: Meg
Headline by: Jim
Runners-Up:
· “A Little ‘Piece’ of Heaven” – Mistress Squidia
· “And on the 28th Day, There Came a Rain of Blood From Heaven…” – smo
· “Cleveland, However, Is Closer to the Armpit.” – Paul Nielsen
· “From Rear to Eternity” – ilemanzer
· “Heaven i’taint.” – Lee
· “Holy Shit” – lounamaa
· “I Don’t Think That’s What Carrie Underwood Meant When She Sang: ‘I Wanna Be Inside Your Heaven'” – Jenny
· “Must Be a ZoroASStrian” – John P.
· “Sample Curriculum from the Sunday School Taught by Mary Kay Letourneau” – steph
· “Suprisingly, More People Get into Heaven Than You’re Led to Believe in Church.” – J.C.
· “Then How Can Godliness Be Next to Cleanliness?” – kelynsh

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Mama Said There’d Be Wednesday One-Liners Like This

20-Something chick: Yeah, well that was when I used to get drunk with his mother. –176th St between Audubon & Amsterdam Overheard by: sj Drunk girl: I always end up with the ones with mommy issues. Like, does it look like I’m lactating, motherfucker? Didn’t think so.

–Park Slope Tween boy: Well, my mom was lactating at the time, so I just drank that.

–7th Ave & 5th St, Park Slope Professor: Mothers are not uncommon in families. Grandmothers don’t count because they’re not sexual threats. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins Construction worker: Yeah, I fucked her and her mom. I know, Ma, I’ll call her back.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Tom Woman on cell: You need to calm the fuck down. Calm down. You need to calm the fuck down! Bullets do not have names. Mama said that. You be runnin’ around with the crips, with the gangs. You gonna get your ass shot. You listen to me: you need to calm the fuck down! –Metro-North Overheard by: MojoSaves Girl: But, Mom, I can’t trust you if you don’t like me!

–Starbucks, 75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ali

Ebert and Roeper at the Wednesday One-Liners

Woman, watching Jet Li movie preview: I won’t see it. All they ever do is hop around, and I have no idea what’s going on.

–AMC Theatre, W 42nd St

Overheard by: Jason Slow learner: Yeah, we just got out of Miami Vice…Yeah, I’ve seen it twice. Trust me: do not see that movie!

–42nd between 9th & 10th

Overheard by: Ash Young woman: When I went to see Snakes on a Plane, I didn’t think there’d be snakes! On a plane!

–Regal Cinemas, Union Square Tween boy: After seeing that movie, I have to say: Johnny Knoxville is the most suicidal person next to Jesus. –C train Overheard by: Dirty D Ticket taker, directing people to theater: Go out the window and take a left. –AMC 25, Times Square Overheard by: L Blonde girl: Isn’t Short Circuit the movie with R2D2? –Rooftop party, W 43rd Overheard by: Esther Guy in very crowded train: It felt like Schindler’s List for a second there. –7 train Overheard by: giants fan

Wednesday’s Child is Full of One-Liners

Ten-year-old: If I work on my claw skills, I will always be able to tell what time it is!

–CVS, Lexington Ave Child tourist: There’s so many people. Don’t they have jobs?

–Times Square

Overheard by: rae Young boy: Were you sniffing my father?

–Bronx Zoo Little girl: I can’t wait ’til I have my own psychic friend.

–181st & Pinehurst

Overheard by: Josh h Young boy: Mommy, I wanna go see the thongs.

–Saks

Overheard by: Butt Floss Young girl tourist, exiting taxi: Goodbye! I love you! More than all the other cabs!

–Thompson & 3rd

Overheard by: kerm and mere Little girl: You always make things up! You made this game up, you made the rules up, you even made me up!

–19th Ave, Brooklyn

Hee Hee Hee, You Said ‘Wednesday One-Liners’

Woman: See? I’m really good at boning.

–Gavroche, 14th & 7th

Overheard by: the immature restaurant guest Woman, yelling over to man during downpour: How come every man I date ends up getting me wet?

–Water Club, 500 E 30th

Overheard by: Carolyn Burly guy: Dude, can you help me get it up?

–Gold’s Gym, 250 West 54th Teen: I was so thirsty. Anything that went in my mouth, I swallowed.

–LIRR

Overheard by: kaydot NYU trendoid: I need some nuts, like, hardcore.

–MoMA Conductor: Please let the passengers get off before pushing on the train. Get them off. Get them off. Get them off fast! –Manhattan bound L train Overheard by: Philip Girl: Ooo! I’ll suck on it with you!

–3rd St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: confused grad student