Archive for September, 2006

Wednesday One-Liners Care About Melanin

Girl: You really don’t realize how many Indian kids there are at NYU until you have really shitty sex with one of them and have to try to avoid him. –Broadway & Waverly Overheard by: Jake Indian guy, to white guy: Do you see the color of my skin? I’m obviously more intelligent than you. –Makers Very white girl: It was so diverse and, like, I don’t know, I felt like a minority. —Union Square Guy: I don’t discriminate based on race, but you in particular are a suspicious-looking motherfucker. –Red Sky Lounge, 29th & Park Guy on cell: You fucking idiot. You don’t have jaundice. You’re Asian. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: another asian Frenchman: Hurry! That chocolate man is taking your parking space! –Christopher St Overheard by: Melissa Coppola Black guy, to white infant: Hey! Hey! Awww, shit. You anotha’ one of dose fucking crackers! Cracker-ass crackers fucking everywhere. –48th & 8th Overheard by: The Cracker’s Mama

Wednesday One-Liners Could Use a Fig Leaf

Girl: I’m almost too comfortable with old-people nudity. –Battery Park Overheard by: hannah Middle-Aged woman: Oh my God, you should have been there to see my husband naked-bodysurfing. –Thompson & Spring Man on cell: Yeah… I’m just calling to let you know the Naked Cowboy called in sick today because of the rain. Yeah, I’m going to take his place. I just wanted to let you know. OK. Bye. –48th & 2nd Young woman: There’s the Naked Cowgirl. She’s not all that. She’s not even that pretty! –Times Square Overheard by: Derek Powazek Girl: It’s not like when a guy sees you naked, he’s gonna be like, “Yo, I wish you were more muscular.” –College Walk, Columbia University Girl on cell: Because grown sisters naked in a room together is weird! –L train, Metropolitan Ave Overheard by: Must be weird Woman on cell: Naked on the couch?… God, I don’t blame you. –3rd & A Overheard by: Kira

Cheech & Chong’s Wednesday One-Liners, Man

Queer: When I get stoned, my grundle itches. –6 train Overheard by: sheerah Street vendor, gesturing to enormous bong: No, no…this one is for tobacco. –St. Mark’s Elderly man: People are stupid! They don’t do pot! –R train Stoned guy: Man, why do chip manufacturers always put the crumbs at the bottom of the bag? –Columbia University Overheard by: bernard black Teenage gangsta: Yo, when I was in the shower, it totally tasted like weed. For real. –Lafayette & Houston Passenger: If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, don’t keep it to yourself. Tell a cop or an MTA employee or me. There might be some money or some weed in there. –4 train Overheard by: Mike Long-haired dude, picking up a cigarette butt: Man, that’s not what I wanted to smoke. –72nd & Columbus Overheard by: clarence rosario

Wednesday One-Liners Know the Guys Down at Vice a Little Too Well

Sassy woman: No, no, no, no. What I don’t think you understand is, his parents are his mother and a pimp. –33rd & 8th Overheard by: Alex Drunk girl: I don’t want to be sold for five dollars on the street! –1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: Kira Record label coordinator: This company needs a hit like a crackwhore on payday. –150 5th Ave Addiction expert: I don’t think he’s addicted to porn, but I think he does, like, coke off hookers’ asses. –6 train, 68th St Old Jewess: I couldn’t tell if they were singers or prostitutes. –1 train, 42nd St Overheard by: Kimdog Man on cell: So then the hooker walked in with a squeegee. Then I knew it had gone way too far! –Times Square Guy: She’s kind of the President of the Prostitute Guild. –Hughes Ave, the Bronx Overheard by: Jess McGins

They’re Not Going to Be One-Upped on the Surrealism

Guy #1: You know that Anton Webern’s Quartet for the End of Time was performed in a concentration camp? Crazy.
Guy #2: Yeah. He died real weird. I forget how. I think the Nazis shot him.
Total stranger: Actually he was shot by Allied soldiers. He was breaking curfew smoking a cigarette, and they mistook him for his brother-in-law, who was an alleged Nazi spy.
Guy #1: Oh, I see. Thanks.
Total stranger: Any other questions? I just ride this train all day waiting to answer questions on twentieth-century music composition. The next car has an expert on Chekhov, and the conductor studies philosophy.
Guy #1: So anyway, Slavic girls are pretty hot.
Guy #2: Yeah, for real. –7 train