Archive for October, 2006

The Terms of His Parole Require All the Residents of Manhattan to Hit Him

Hispanic thug #1: You have to hit a kid to teach him respect.
Hispanic thug #2: That doesn’t work
Hispanic thug #1: Sure it does, remember when I stole that stuff when I was younger and dad hit me? That taught me the respect that I needed not to steal
Hispanic thug #2: You still steal.
Hispanic thug #1: Yeah, but not from my family.

–Downtown 4

…But Not Really

Girl: When I look back on my life, I’m not going to think about trips I went on or relationships I had, I’ll be thinking about television programs I watched.
Guy: That’s horrible!
Girl: Well I was only kidding!

–86th and Lex

Penn Really Is Mean to Teller in Public

Man #1: High Street? Oh man, we’re back in Brooklyn….
Man #2: Ummm, we never left Brooklyn. The next stop is in Manhattan.
Man #2: Do you see that young man over there? Do you want his first life lesson to be me whuppin’ yo’ ass?

–Manhattan bound A train

But I’d Eat Out Jack Black’s Ass for the Pastrami at Katz’s

Deli girl: So is that your girlfriend?
Guy : No, just a roommate.
Deli girl: What about that other girl you were in here with last week, the other blonde one?
Guy : Nope, just a friend.
Deli girl: And that brunette that came in with you the other day?
Guy : I’m actually gay.
Guy to roommate: Dude, did you see that? That girl is fucking stalking me, she knows every girl I come in here with. I had to tell her I was gay so she would stop with the questions.
Roommate: Why didn’t you just tell her Jess was your girlfriend?
Guy : Cuz the way she was grilling me, I would’ve had to bring Jess in here and make out with her in front of this psycho to make her believe me.
Roommate: Right, so now all you have to is bring a guy in here and make out with him. she’ll believe you.
Guy: I’m not sure the sandwiches in here are worth that.

–Deli, 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Don’t think I’ll be going back there