Woman: When I was a kid, we never called people ‘cunt.’ It wasn’t insulting enough. But if you called someone a ‘twat,’ now you’re using fighting words.
Man: But that’s not true most places.
Woman: Brooklyn’s not most places.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Archive for November, 2006
She Could Turn Back to a Scullery-Maid at Any Moment
Black guy #1: It ain’t Halloween until you hit the ground.
Black guy #2 to friend trying to help a drunken princess: Don’t touch the white girl!
–7th & Greenwich
Thank You, Come Again!
Black customer: Give me a yellow cash card, my brother.
Middle Eastern owner: What’d you call me?
Black customer: I said ‘my brother.’
Middle Eastern owner: No, no, no. We are different.
Black customer: No, we’re not — we all come from the same place. We have the same blood.
Middle Eastern owner: No, your blood is black — your blood is shit.
Black customer: No, my blood is blue just like yours. Besides, if I don’t come here to your store to spend money, how are you going to afford the bombs to blow up buildings?
–488 Madison Ave
Why Women Put Themselves Through Birth: Explained
Hipster chick: When my friend was pregnant she bought a book called Orgasmic Birth.
Hipster guy: So, wait — she used her baby like a dildo?
–The Sunburnt Cow, Ave C & 9th St
Overheard by: Soula
They Shared a Passionate but Disgusting Interlude
Girl #1: But what exactly does that mean, ‘Doesn’t shit where he eats’? I’ll kick his ass…
Girl #2: It means ‘not dating someone you work with.’
Girl #1: Oh, okay. I thought he was saying my pussy smells bad…
–Nation Bar, 45th St
No, Not De-construction!
Hipster thug #1: Yo, you never worked a day of construction in your life, son.
Hipster thug #2: I dabbled.
–N 8th & Roebling, Williamsburg
And What Else Did You Take Gracefully?
Girl #1: So, he told me that I had the prettiest pussy he had ever seen.
Girl #2: Ew! What did you say?
Girl #1: I said, ‘Thank you.’ My mother told me to always take a compliment gracefully.
–Prince & Broadway
He’d Have Done It for Free
Bum, after lady hands him a pack of cigarettes: The whole pack?
Lady: Yeah, take them, you can have ‘em.
Bum: That is so kind of you! I can’t believe it! How can I repay you?
Lady: No, no, just take them.
Bum: I know what I will do! I will make love to your dog.
–Ave A & 7th St
Overheard by: Anna Meyer
You’ll Never Be the Man Your Mother Was.
Girlfriend: You could just be gay.
Boyfriend: I don’t want to be gay! I just wanna be a woman.
–Houston & Lafayette
Headline by: Paul S
Runners-Up:
· “‘Cause surgery is easier than coming out” – Becky
· “Be All You Can’t Be” – Mike D
· “Cant have a man-made pussy and eat it, too” – N. Delwood
· “Career day counselors never know what to expect” – peter
· “It’s all pillow fights and boobies ’til you start PMSing.” – mthy
· “Michael Jackson’s Cosmetic Surgery Consultation Gets Hostile” – kane, okc
· “The long-awaited yet unanticipted answer to ‘Tell me what you want, what you really, really want’” – cinekat
· “Transexual does not a homosexual make” – i like men too
· “Vaginas: The Consolation Prize” – sh
· “Your Phantom Limb Will Still Want To Stem The Rose” – elrobinder
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
And Once You Try It a Few Dozen Times on ‘The Sims,’ You’ll Be Ready to Try It in Real Life, Little Camper
Ladies’ man #1: So just bang her out, then.
Ladies’ man #2: After what she did to me, I don’t think I can just give that to her.
Ladies’ man #1: The man always has the upper hand — you should just bang her out and then call her the next day and be like, ‘Hey, do you have any cute friends you could hook me up with?’ You know, make her feel like shit.
–Uptown A train
Overheard by: JD