Archive for November, 2006

Let’s Do It Like They Do on the Discovery Channel

Court officer #1: I saw this show on Animal Planet last night. There’s this fish called a cichlid — the female takes her eggs in her mouth and then she nibbles the male’s fin until he shoots sperm into her mouth and then she swallows it to fertilize her eggs.
Court officer #2: Where can I get one of these cichlids?

–Livingston & Smith, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Bow, a Beer, a Redneck Beer; Ray, Your Incest-Begotten Son…

Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bowery.

–Brooklyn-bound J train, approaching Canal St

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Headline by: Jatmos

· “1 child left behind” – Reekuhhhh!
· “And ‘SoHo’ Has a Whole Other Meaning Once You’ve Crossed the Mason-Dixon” – julietaroja
· “From the people who brought you nuc-u-lar” – Krisztina
· “Hicked on Phonics did not work at all” – Darvio Harvo
· “If at first you don’t succeed, try the exact same thing again” – Nathan Logan
· “It’s never too early for a Steve Irwin joke.” – hauptman
· “Same situation, but the passerby would call them “Cletus”” – Julie
· “They should probably take off those white hoods before stepping foot in the poetry club.” – erak
· “Tomato, tomater” – Lennyb
· “That sounds kinda gay, Cletus.” – Rich Anderson
· “Why didn’t we let them secede again?” – Nathaniel

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Sadly, the G Train Community Never Fully Accepted Him Again

Hammered 20-year-old, screaming: Yo, I fucked my boss! Yo, I fucked my boss! You ever fuck your boss? [Points to friend] He had to fuck some fat chick and I got my dick sucked all night by my boss! Yo, and she’s, like, 30. [Starts humping pole] She was like, ‘Uhhh, Jim*, give it to me! Fuck me harder!’

He falls on the floor, rolling around with more manic laughter.

Friend: Yo, shut up. I gotta take this train when I’m sober.

–G train

Overheard by: Please don’t look

This Is the Line Vader Should Have Taken with Luke

Black dude on cell: So I got her pregnant. And she wanted me to care and shit, and I was like, ‘I’m a street nigga!’ And you know what I’m sayin’, ’cause you’re one, too. I didn’t want to be a father. I even told my son, straight-up! She was some nasty shit — all mugly in the face; body all fucked-up. But yeah, I was lacing that shit all the way through 1982! Okay, peace out, man.

–E train