Archive for 2006

Thank God He Had Life Alert

Guy #1: So I was standin’ in front of the door in the train the other day, and this old lady shoves me like three times when the doors opened. I stepped aside to look at her and I pushed her like this.
Guy #2: What did she do?
Guy #1: She just looked and me and walked out. Fucking bitch! –N train

Some Even Watch the Monitor, Too

Woman #1: They done got my paycheck wrong again. I’m so upset.
Woman #2: How’d they do that this time?
Woman #1: I don’t know, with computers these days, you type in one thing wrong and it ain’t gonna come out right.
Woman #2: Y’know, it’s those young girls in the office that don’t pay no attention to what they’re doin’.
Woman #1: You’re right! They have their fake press-on nails and damn fake hair. And they spend all day running their fake nails through their fake hair instead of watching the keyboard.
Woman #2: Oh, you’re just jealous. –2 train

She Couldn’t Stomach the Taste of Sure

Lady #1: I didn’t know what to do, so I took a used tissue out. But I
was so embarrassed.
Lady #2: It’s better than letting it drip on the table.
Lady #1: Yeah…
Lady #2: Sometimes the office gets so hot, people come in tank tops.
Lady #1: I know.
Lady #2: One time I went to a meeting and a drip of sweat fell from my head. I was mortified.
Lady #1: Oh my god.
Lady #2: Now I make sure I stand in an air-conditioned room for 15
minutes before going to a meeting. That was one of the most terrible days of my life. –Speedy Deli, 32nd & Broadway Overheard by: deckard

The Five Basic Fool Groups

Guy: Why do they put peas in the fried rice? Peas and carrots? I don’t want that in my fried rice.
Girl: Because it’s vegetable fried rice.
Guy: That’s what the egg is for.
Girl: Egg is not a vegetable. Wait…What is it? Dairy? It should be meat, because if you let it go it will be meat.
Guy: I think it’s produce. –LaGuardia