Archive for 2006

Surely He Added “Please”

Teen boy #1: Yo, why the fuck these niggas keep getting on? Ain’t no room for them.
Teen boy #2: Next bus! Next bus, please!
Teen boy #1: Ugh, what the fuck, man? What they gonna do, climb up people’s ass?
Teen boy #3: The bus driver should tell them to move back.
Teen boy #1: Pssh, that shit don’t work.
Teen boy #3: Naw man, it does. Last time on the school bus, the driver was like, “Stop playin’, niggas.” For real, that’s what he said. –Q13 bus

He’d Beat the Pulp Out of Them

Girl: Hey, you know I heard this guy did drugs one time, and he had some kind of permanent reaction, and now he thinks he’s a glass of orange juice!
Guy: Oh yeah, I heard about that. He goes around telling people not to tip him!
Girl: Yeah, yeah. Hey, imagine if he saw someone drinking orange juice.
Guy: Now that would be funny. –Fontana Sushi, Bay Ridge Overheard by: Fiona F.

Those Aren’t Connie Marble’s Kind of People

Yuppie girl: Are you sure? I thought it was pronounced “you-mor”.
Yuppie guy: No. It’s “humor”. Huh, huh, huh. With an “h”.
Yuppie girl: Really? I’ve heard people say that. I’ve heard people say “you-mor”. Who says it that way?
Yuppie guy: Assholes. –Bay Ridge Overheard by: Tim Noonan