Girl on cell: Ugh, so I’m headed to the subway now. I just had to do this job where we were working with a construction crew so of course they were like “let’s give the bull dyke all the construction work.” And I’m like, I don’t know how to fucking use power tools. –5th Ave & E 39th
Black guy: Two for Akeelah.
German girlfriend: What? What are you buying? Two kilos for what?
Black guy: No. Akeelah.
German girlfriend: I don’t understand. Two kilos of what? That makes no sense.
Black guy, rolling his eyes: No! Akeelah! Akeelah!. Akeelah! Two for Akeelah!
German girlfriend: I still don’t understand.
Black guy: Akeelah and the frickin’ Bee!!!
German girlfriend: OHHHHH! –Union Square Stadium 14, Broadway & 13th
Man on street: God bless you.
Woman: You need to shave. You look fucking hideous. –Grand St & Graham Ave, Williamsburg
Guy on cell: Yeah, I spoke to Jack Black about it… right, yeah. I think he’ll do just about anything at this point. [pause] Jack Black. Jack Black. [pause] Oh, Jack White. Jack Black is the comedian. Yeah. –Starbucks, 51st & Broadway Overheard by: Jim
Guy #1: Have I ever told you that I got a ticket for public urination?
Guy #2: No way, that’s awesome! –3rd Ave & 19th St
Woman #1: So, you know Tanya…
Woman #2: Yeah, skinny little thing. What a waste of a fuck! –58th & Madison Overheard by: Tom T
Guy #1: What’s a clamato? Isn’t that a type of tomato? Tastes like a tomato.
Guy #2: It’s a clam and a tomato.
Guy #1: No… Really?
Guy #3: Yeah. It’s a combination of two words… you know, like dumbass! –Union Suare Overheard by: Primo
Woman: Are these Japanese dolls?
Woman: Oh, are you Japanese?
Woman: Are you sure? –Union Square
College applicant: I want to learn how to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Okay, well, we don’t do that here — it’s a Criminal Justice college degree.
College applicant: But they told me I need to learn to shoot a gun.
Admissions rep: Who’s they?
College applicant: The aliens. You know, them.
Admissions rep: I see. Well, maybe you should go to the CIA. –30th Pl & Thomson Ave, Long Island City
Drunk guy to entire restaurant: Everyone I want to make a toast, raise your fucking glasses. Alright — My girlfriend had an abortion, we are not having a baby! –Silk Road Palace, 81st & Amsterdam