Archive for 2006

To Be Fair, She’s Really More Of a Cyborg

20-Something #1: My roommate was this die-hard Christian.
20-Something #2: Born again?
20-Something #1: No, just regular.
20-Something #2: What’s the difference?

Pause.

20-Something #1: I don’t really know.
20-Something #2: My first roommate was, too. She liked this one lady, Joyce Meyers.
20-Something #1: I didn’t know that women could be priestesses in the Catholic religion.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: jtango

I Didn’t Know Cheney Had Kids That Age

Amherst alum: So we’re looking over the applications, and there are all these amazing kids. Won the Westinghouse, worked for the UN. And the questions: “Who do you most look up to?” “My parents, because they’re immigrants, and they taught me to work hard.” And with each of them it’s like, “in”. And then we get to this one, it’s like, “What’s a recent intellectually stimulating experience?” The answer is, “I love my dog, walking my dog.” Stuff like that. On and on, really ridiculous. And then, “Who do you most look up to?” The answer: “my parents, especially my dad. He’s the President of the United States.” And we look at each other, and Steve is like, “in.”

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Julia Mandell

Fewer Birthdays (Duh)

Old Hispanic man: Happy Birthday!
Little Hispanic girl: It’s not my birthday!
Old Hispanic man: Yes it is! Now that we live here, today is everybody’s birthday!
Little Hispanic girl: No.
Old Hispanic man: Sí! Happy Birthday!
White girl, passing by: Oh, for Christ’s sake. Why can’t they go back where they came from?

–105th & Madison

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Yet Always Having to Suffer Idiots From Jersey Hitting On You at Bars

Woman, watching the Yankees lose on TV: Are the Mets playing? Let’s watch the Mets. At least that way we won’t have to be ashamed to be New Yorkers.
Man sitting next to her: You should never be ashamed to be a New Yorker. Being a New Yorker means never being ashamed and never having to say you’re sorry.

–Bar, 81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Zed