Archive for 2006

If All Goes Well, You

Transparent guy: That’s why gay guys are the best.
The straight man: How so?
Transparent guy: Gay guys are just bags of hormones. If they want sex, they just ask for it. Girls are like, “Let’s all play coy and innocent!”
The straight man: I never thought of it like that.
Transparent guy: Gay guys are like, “Put your balls into my butt” kinda thing.
The straight man, laughing: Yeah, if I was gay I’d probably have sex all the time.
Transparent guy: Me too…Like just go out…find some gay dude… and touch his balls.
The straight man: Dude, what are you on?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Nozomi

Do the Polite Thing and Just Buy Her a Nose Job For Her 21st Birthday

NYU girl #1: I am so fucking sick of the Jews for Jesus everywhere.
NYU girl #2: Yeah, I know, it’s really annoying.
NYU girl #1: It’s not annoying; it’s fucking insulting! What, do I look Jewish to them? I mean, seriously, I don’t, do I? You’d tell me if I looked Jewish, right?

–Washington Sq Park

Overheard by: Emily

From Road Warrior and Braveheart to The Passion IS a Tragedy

Tweeny future emo boy: The fucking problem with Hamlet is that the real tragedy is Laertes, not the goddamn Prince of Denmark.
Tweeny future fag hag girl: It’s the tragedy of the Prince of Denmark. That’s what it’s called.
TFE boy: Hamlet kills the guy’s father, sister, and then him. Who has the real tragedy?
TFFH girl: Mel Gibson?

–Outside Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Marc

Oh, Just Like You Bringing Me to Orgasm?

Texan mom: It says here that the French gave this statue as a gift.
Texan dad: Ain’t no way France coulda sent that. They ain’t got no boat big enough.
Texan mom: But it says here…
Texan dad: Ain’t possible means ain’t possible. Gittit?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: Colman

And, by the Way, ‘Grammatically Correctly’ Is Needlessly Redundant

Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.

–A train