Archive for 2006

Maybe if You’d Gone Down on me Like I Asked You to…

Little boy: Mom! Look, candy! I want candy!
Mother: No, you can’t have candy. Besides, they only put that there to trick you into buying it when you don’t really want it. It’s called an impulse buy. Do you want to be tricked?
Little boy: Mooom! Why won’t you buy me caaandy?!
Mother: Because I don’t love you enough.

–Blockbuster, 8th & Broadway

Overheard by: Emily

The Self-Loathing Is Also Strongly Suggestive

Jewish boy: If I wasn’t Jewish and saw Passion of the Christ, I’d walk out of the theaters screaming, “Let’s kill those Jews for killing our Lord and Savior!”
Black woman: Boy, you shouldn’t be goin’ ’round screaming that.
Jewish boy: Um, but I am Jewish.
Black woman: How am I ‘sposed to know that?
Jewish boy: By the fucking thing on my head and the fact that I keep checking for my wallet every second I’m talking to you.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: David

Unless You Brought Enough Pussy For Everyone, You’re Going to Have to Spit That Out

RA: No sex in the dorms after curfew!
Girl #1: But what about lesbian sex?
RA: Well, that’s okay, but not in the common room. Unless everyone’s involved. Then it’s okay.
Girl #2: And clean up after yourselves!

–Columbia University