Archive for 2006

Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.

He makes another call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!

–46th between 5th & 6th

If Only He Could Remember It

Black customer: Hey, let me get that one. [Points at menu]
Black employee: Which one?
Black customer: That one. [Points again]
Black employee: Do you mean the smokehouse beef brisket?
Black customer: Yeah, the one in the picture.
Black employee, sighing: Black people!
Black customer: What? I’m not black. I’m Spanish!
Black employee: No you’re not. Prove it. Say something in Spanish.
Black customer: Como estas?
Black employee: See, you’re not Spanish.
Black customer: My name is Spanish.

–Quizno’s, 12th & Broadway

His Parents Are Being Kind; Her Master’s Is in Business Administration

Skater dude #1: I am mad smart, yo. My parents won’t even tell me my IQ. It’s so high they’re afraid to.
Skater dude #2: I seriously doubt that, man.
Skater dude #1: No, my sister’s way smart. She’s getting her Master’s degree, and my parents told me mine was higher than hers.
Skater dude #2: Dude, she could be smart but you could totally not be. It skips a generation.
Skater dude #1: Not in my family it doesn’t.

–3rd St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: eiaboca