Archive for 2006

He Also Blew the Whistle on Big Tobacco

Hipster girl on cell: Kim, I’m such a spaz! I forgot it was Wednesday, and I forgot I was supposed to meet you for lunch. So I’m on the Upper East Side and –
Black guy yelling: No, you ain’t! You at Union Square, bitch!
Hipster girl on cell: –Sorry. I’m on the Upper East Side and I don’t have time to go downtown right now.

–Union Square

Yet Another Drawback of Abstinence-Only Education

White guy to girl: You know both these guys are Muslim, so don’t piss them off. Muslims don’t care if they die because then they’ll get 72 virgins.
Muslim #1: It’s not 72 virgins, it’s 45 virgins.
Muslim #2: I thought it was 40 virgins.
White guy: But a Muslim person told me that it was 72 virgins.
Muslim #1: What are you gonna do with 72 virgins, man?
White guy: The same thing you’re gonna do with 45 virgins, but I would get tired of telling them what to do.

–MetroTech, Lawrence St

Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan

I’m Just the Sous-Chef

NYU student: What’s on that pizza?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What?
Dining hall employee: And tomato.
NYU student: Chicken?
Dining hall employee: No, tomato. Tomato!
NYU student: Yeah, but what’s the meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat.
NYU student: What kind of meat?
Dining hall employee: Meat. I don’t know. Meatloaf.

–NYU Dining Hall

Overheard by: sjhaughty

Howie: I Was Young, I Needed the Money!

40-ish white collar: Did you ever see that video on the internet where a woman blows a horse and she gags when he cums?
30-ish blonde companion: Ewww, no.
40-ish white collar: How about that video where this bald guy who looks like Howie Mandel inserts his entire head into this woman’s giant vagina?
30-ish blonde companion: No, I would have remembered that one.
40-ish white collar: Don’t you keep up with culture?

–Waiting in line to see Martin Short in Fame Becomes Me

Overheard by: Big Larry