Archive for 2006

But I Got Them Before They Were Cool

Excited teen: Danny! Check out my new MacBook Pro!
Danny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re going to buy black-rimmed glasses, a shirt from Urban Outfitters, and the new Franz Ferdinand CD?
Excited teen: But… You already have all that stuff.

–Columbia

We Call It… The Aristocrats!

Mother #1: Yeah, Thanksgiving is so crazy. I decided long ago not to travel; it’s too much with the kids.
Mother #2: I know. I went to California once with the kids, and it was insane!
Mother #1: We just have a nice, quiet dinner at home.
Mother #2: I know! Once, we had a pantsless Thanksgiving. We all sat around the table without any pants on and ate dinner. The boys were crawling on the table, it was great!
Mother #1: Yikes…

–Avenue of the Americas

He Wants a Shot at Batman and the Title

Guy #1 looking at picture of Santa Claus 3: Dude, that’s Aquaman!
Guy #2: No, that’s Jack Frost.
Guy #1: No, it totally looks like Aquaman.
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t!
Guy #1: It’s gotta be him.
Guy #2: Why would Santa Claus be fighting Aquaman? Why the hell would he be fighting Aquaman?

–4th floor Hunter North, Hunter College

Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Mom’s Drying Up, Anyway

Dude #1: I like that one.
Dude #2: Nah, she has a bad attitude.
Dude #1: What the fuck does attitude have to do with anything? She’s fucking hot!
Dude #2: True, but I want a stripper that makes me feel important, even though I know I’m not.
Dude #1: So you want a stripper that makes you feel important?
Dude #2: Man, I’ll settle for any woman that makes me feel important.
Dude #1: Then go fuck your mother.
Dude #2: True — fuck it, I’ll take the hottie with the shitty attitude. Pretty much describes all my girlfriends, anyway.

–Pacers Toastmasters Club

Overheard by: sean b