Archive for 2006

So I Dumped Him for the Cat

Chick: I bet he’s fuh-reaky in the sack.
Friend: Definitely.
Chick: No… Like fuh-reaky… Like, not like normal freaky, how everyone needs to get it once in a while, but, like, weird freaky — like pulling up your pants and finding the closest exit. Did I ever tell you about the ice cream?
Friend, laughing: No!
Chick: This one time he was like, ‘Let’s have some fun’ and decided to tie me up. And then to, like, build anticipation or whatever, he went and got a bowl of ice cream.
Friend: Shut up!
Chick: I’m serious… And then I guess my damn cat decided he wanted a snack, too!
Friend, hysterical: Shut up! I can’t breathe!

–LIRR pulling into Penn Station

Or on Law & Order: SVU

White girl #1: Shit, did you just see those mounted horses?
White girl #2: No fuckin’ way… I can’t believe they have them here.
White girl #1: Yeah… In Central Park is one thing, but not in ghetto Brooklyn.
White girl #2: Yeah, the last thing I expected to see here is horses on cops… [Pause] Did I just say ‘horses on cops’? I meant cops on horses.
White girl #1: Yeah, I don’t think there’s ever a need to see horses on cops. Well, except maybe in Jeremy’s bedroom.

–Crown Heights, Brooklyn

Overheard by: NancyCz

Shit Yourself Once, Shame on You…

NYU student #1: So, you know that part in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Raph gets jumped by the Foot Clan, and they have to bring him to April’s place because he’s a turtle, and turtles need water, so they put him in the bathtub?
NYU student #2: Yeah, sure.
NYU student #1: Yeah, they had to do that with her, ’cause she got so fucked up she shit herself.
NYU student #2: Again?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jayso