Archive for 2006

Her Brother Had an Edible Complex

Girl: I’m looking for a play for school.
Bookseller: What’s the name?
Girl: Antigen.
Bookseller: You mean Antigone?
Girl: What’s the difference?
Bookseller: One’s a play about a girl and her dead brother, and the other is a play that hasn’t been written yet about carbohydrates and proteins.
Girl: Oh. The dead one, then. –Barnes & Noble, Court St.

Must Be a Booty Call

Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up. Phone rings. Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is. They stare at each other and think real hard. Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad. –Milady’s, Soho Overheard by: rhyno

I Have to Catch Mackerel North from Clam Central Station

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need to rush onto this train, pushing others and possibly risking a fall, an injury, or worse. This is a 6 train and at this time of day there will be another 6 train every 5 minutes, so there is no need to risk injury… There will be another 6 train coming in 5 minutes. What do you think this is, the Tunaville Trolley? This is the 6 train! –6 train

It’s Impossible to Know Both the Position and the Velocity of Caesar Dressing

Old woman: I bought this Caesar salad, but I don’t know where to get the dressing. Please, can you tell me where I can get some dressing?
Cute girl: Ummm, I don’t know. I’ve never had a salad here before.
Old woman: But where do you think the dressing could be?
Cute girl: Well, possibly in the refrigerator over there… where they keep the drinks?
Old woman: Are you sure?
Cute girl: Well, that’s my hypothesis, but it hasn’t been tested. –Le Pain Quotidien, 58th & 7th