Drunk guy to entire restaurant: Everyone I want to make a toast, raise your fucking glasses. Alright — My girlfriend had an abortion, we are not having a baby! –Silk Road Palace, 81st & Amsterdam
Ghetto high school girl #1: Gimme the camera!
Ghetto high school girl #2: Noooo! I need to take a picture for myspace. You know what that means!
Ghetto high school girl #1: What?
Ghetto high school girl #2: I gotta look cute! But it has to look normal, like I’m not posing.
Ghetto high school girl #1 grabs the camera and whacks girl #2 on the head. She snaps a photo.
Ghetto high school girl #2: What the fuck bitch!?
Ghetto high school girl #1: [looking at the camera] Oh my god! It’s such a cuuuuuuuuuute picture!
Ghetto high school girl #2: Oh my god! I’m sooooo cute. –Starbucks, 17th & Union Square W
Girl #1: I can’t believe you’re about to get your culo waxed.
Girl #2: I can’t believe you didn’t get your culo waxed!
Girl #1: You know I have an asshole phobia, for Christ’s sake! –50th St & 6th Ave
Cali girl #1: Where do you go again?
Cornell girl: Cornell.
Cali girl #2: Oh. Where is that?
Cali girl #1: Oh my god, don’t you know it’s in New York?
Cali girl #2: Umm no, you idiot, we’re in New York and she said she just drove hours to get here.
Cali girl #1: Oh right..I think it’s in like.. the state that New York is in? New York state?
Cornell girl: Yeah. Ithaca.
Cali girl #1: Right right! Middle of nowhere, right? Shithaca!
Cornell girl: Umm. –59th & 5th Overheard by: love cali girls
Guy: I’o’really mess with Queens, or people from Queens. [pause] 130th Street and 5th Ave, that shit is mad weird! You ever been to his house! That shit is mad white! You never gonna get in a fight there. [pause] Who eats ketchup — by is’self? –Puebla Mexican Food & Coffee Shop, 1st Ave between 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: C-Dub
Mom taking photos of son: Smile, sweetie.
Mom: Smile from within, honey.
Mom: Smiling from within means smile like you’re happy on the inside.
Mom: Okay, not that much. –Prospect Park
Guy #1: I really think African Americans are bipolar. They all seem to have high self esteem, are hyperactive all the time, and are easily irritable.
Guy #2: Shut up nigga. You know I’m better than those cats.
Guy #1: And they can never hear themselves talking. –F train
Anthony Weiner and what appears to be 3 of his staff get out of a black Chevy Impala with tints and a spoiler.
Stoned kid #1: Dude it’s Anthony Weiner.
Stoned kid #2: Who?
Stoned kid #1: Anthony Weiner…the Congressman. He lives right there. Stoned kid #2 looks back Stoned kid #2: Hey Weiner! You’re a Weiner! –Ascan Ave & Burns St, Forest Hills Overheard by: Peter Sipsas
Queer: Who’s Joey Ramone?
Hipster girl: Oh my God, are you kidding me?
Queer: Uh, no. Who is he?
Hipster girl: He’s a singer! He was like, in some huge band in the ’80s!
Queer: What band?
Hipster girl: Um…
Queer: See? You don’t know who the hell he is either. You don’t even know what band he was in.
Hipster girl: It’s on the tip of my tongue…
Hipster girl: Oh well, I can’t think of it. I think he’s dead now anyway. Who cares. –Irving Plaza Overheard by: i hope they were joking
Conductor: Okay, okay…all you white people get off the train here. That’s right, hippies and hipsters. If you under thirty-five and white, you don’t want to stay on this train no mo’. The next stop will be the ghet-to! –Flatbush-bound 2 express train at Eastern Parkway/Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: chagrined hipster