Archive for 2006

Only If She Has Braces

Hipster #1: And the funny thing was… she had no curtains, right?
Hipster #2: Yeah?
Hipster #1: Yeah, and I mean I wasn’t entirely comfortable with that, but what was I supposed to say, “I’m not comfortable with my penis in your mouth right now”?
Hipster #2: Obviously you weren’t gonna say that!

–Duane Reade, 23rd between 6th & 7th

A Really Horrible Person Wouldn’t Have Used the Condoms

Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!”
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.

–L train

Overheard by: Slappy McGee

He’s More of a Skype Dude

Woman #1: I called him and I called him, and he kept letting it go to voice mail!
Woman #2: Well, maybe he wasn’t there. Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to you.
Woman #1: But, like, it could’ve been Jesus on the phone! And he wasn’t answering!
Woman #2: Uh, Jesus wouldn’t call on a cell phone.

–M15 bus