Archive for 2006

He’s Hung Like a Pigeon

Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married. –Irving Plaza, Irving Place Overheard by: Johnny Tremain

2 Proposals, 3 Women, 5 Minutes

Drunk guy: Don’t you fuck with me!
Sober woman: What?
Drunk guy: You sleep with a different guy every night!
Sober woman: I do not. What are you talking about?
Drunk guy: You loveme. You want to marryme.
Sober woman: This is ridiculous. I’ve had enough. I don’t have to take this anymore. Goodbye! She leaves. He turns to the next table. Drunk guy: Yeah, did you see that girl who just left? I just dumped her. Can I buy you two a drink? –Rosie O’Grady’s, 7th Avenue

I Vote for the No Kids

Guy: I’m like your gay boyfriend.
Girl: Kind of.
Guy: …only without the gay sex part, of course.
Girl: Yes, and without the sense of style.
Guy: I don’t know if I’d say that…
Girl: See, you’re just very emotional. But you should really work on the style, ’cause it’s the best thing about the gay. –Virgin, Union Square

She Buys It in Bulk

Teen boy: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dwayne and I am in a program that keeps me and other kids like me off the street. They have us sell candy for $1. All profits go directly to the youth program that keeps us off the street. If you would like to purchase Snickers, Twix or Starburst, they are only $1.
Hobo: Hey, lady! Hey, fat lady! Buy some candy. You like candy, don’t you? Fat lady! Get some candy! Get some!
Lady: Asshole. –6 train Overheard by: Lydia M