Archive for 2006

An Almost Foolproof Defense Mechanism

Queer: And my boyfriend like, totally, oh my god, reached across the table… Like, across the table and strangled me. I seriously couldn’t breathe. Like, he strangled me. Here, put down your coffee, he did this [reaches across table and strangles ghetto black man]. Isn’t that crazy? Like, what the fuck would you do?
Ghetto black man: Poop.

–Starbucks, 16th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Erica

Points for Creativity

Chick #1 looking at life-like dildo that actually cums: I wonder what it cums.
Chick #2: If it were me, I would put in vanilla milkshake.
Chick #1: Oh my god! How amazing would it be if guys came vanilla milkshakes?! I would be on my knees all day long!
Chick #2: Yeah, totally… What a cruel joke that most of them taste like steamrolled, year-old sushi.

–The Pink Pussycat

Overheard by: Sharon Sloan

And, as Drunken Fan #2…

Drunk chick: C’mon, it’s only two a.m. It’s too early to go home.
Drunk dude: I got an audition tomorrow for The Dirt. Y’know, that movie about Motley Crue.
Drunk chick: If you go in drunk, they will think you are so rock and roll.
Drunk dude: Okay, what’s still open?

–E 7th & Ave B

Gave Her Mom a ‘MoMa’ Tote for Christmas

20-something chick: Dad, isn’t this bracelet cute?! It was made just for you! Look, it says ‘Dada’ on it.
Dad: [Silent.]
20-something chick: I mean, we have to get one for you — they totally made these for Dads!
Dad: Um, ‘Dada’ was the name of a surrealist movement.
20-something chick: Oh, that they, like, named after dads?

–MoMa Design Store, Midtown

Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht

Just Refuse to Buy from Him, He’ll Get Tired of It

Blonde yuppie: I went dinner with Mom and him the other day, and he was talking about getting in touch with that guy in India to get his connections. He said that he wants to start smuggling drugs, too. I said to him, ‘Dad, you cannot become a drug dealer.’
Blonde, yuppie sister: Oh my god, you know he would totally do that just to get attention.

–SoHo

Paris: But, Nicole, You’re Black

Rich chick: So now he’s telling me we need a kid. I don’t want one, but he says we can adopt and avoid all the messy stuff.
Friend: So are you going to?
Rich chick: I said I’d consider it if we can get one that’s actually white. You know. ‘Cause you never really know what they’re giving you.
Friend: That’s so true.

–Macy’s