Archive for 2006

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Wardrobe Malfunction

Young professional woman, trying in vain to flag a cab uptown: I should have worn something sluttier today. –25th & Park Overheard by: Mike S Business woman: All I need are some pasties, Daisy Dukes, and some four-inch heels. Then I’ll get a promotion. –43rd & Lex Overheard by: I thought that she worked in an office Girl: The place is Salsa-ey, so dress a little slutty. –St. Mark’s & 3rd Overheard by: Ronnie Q Tween girl in hot-pants and tight shirt: I can’t buy that. My mom doesn’t let me wear baggy clothes. –Target, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn Chick: I want hooker boots… but not in the heels. I want flats. –Hunter College Conservative guy: The second smartest person in this country is Ann Coulter. And let me tell you, she looks good in a pair of tight pants and Manolos at 2:30 in the morning. –Metro-North Overheard by: Stupid Liberal Hottie Chick on cell: Well, then I don’t feel so bad about going in a little vinyl skirt if you’re just going to be wearing underwear. –Harlem Overheard by: McFreaky

Wednesday One-Liners are Skin Deep, at Best

Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one. –8th & Hudson Overheard by: Michelle Hobo: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight. –20th between 6th & 7th Overheard by: Baby Hobo to hot girl: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful. –34th St N station Overheard by: Lara Guy on cell: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out. –Duane Reade, 27th & Madison Suit to friend: But I was prettier back then. –Church & Chambers Guy: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’? Woman ignores him. Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves… –14th & Broadway Dude: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians. –Hunter College

Look to Your Right and Left, NYU Class of 2010: One of You Wednesday One-Liners Will be Gone by Spring

NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar. –Washington Square NYU hipster: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming? –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Joey Gillis NYU chick: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs. –NYU dorm Overheard by: Low Fat Soda NYU girl: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour! –Williams & Wall Overheard by: Genevieve NYU girl: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it. –W 4th St NYU student: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!" –Union Square Whole Foods Overheard by: Batman NYU girl: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture. –Church & Murray Overheard by: Jason

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Socratic Method

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance. –Columbia University Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this… –Tisch School of the Arts, NYU Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it. –John Jay College Overheard by: soccerking3t Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Natasha Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming. –Fordham, the Bronx Overheard by: Jess McGins Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet! –West Village, 8th & 14th Overheard by: annie NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?" –NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

New York Agrees: Wednesday One-Liners Are the People’s Choice

Hobo: All Democrats must dye their hair pink! All Democrats must dye their hair pink. Pink is the color of pussies! Therefore, all Democrats are pussies! –16th & 8th Overheard by: My hair isn’t pink and I’m voting for Spitzer Man having trouble with the levers on his voting machine: Wait, I know what the problem is…I’m a Republican! –Carroll Gardens Overheard by: Not a Republican Young fireman to conspiracy nut: You liberal bastard. I hope you die
in a fire. Motherfucker. –Ground Zero Overheard by: Jeremy C. Hobo walking in the rain, yelling: All Democrats are Al Sharpton cock-suckers! The only question is do they spit or swallow the cum! –12th St & 5th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Listen to Nancy Reagan

Black guy on cell: Yea! Yea! He just called me up. I was like, "Yo, stop callin me up"… Yea!…. Yea my sister’s on crack! –Houston & Essex Overheard by: saywhat? Suit: Well, I’m a drug dealer, so I have a phone for each kind: a pot phone, a coke phone, you know… –R train Queer on cell: Oh my God. I left the check at home. I am such a fucking idiot. I am such a FUCKING idiot! Yeah, I’ll be there at six. Ok. I’ll bring you E and orange juice. –Bank of America, 6th Ave Overheard by: CarrieBoo Bum: Hey… can you spare me $20 dollars, so I can buy some crack cocaine? I mean, I’ll share it with you. I have enough for a 10 but I want a chicken head to slob on my knob while I take a hit… –96th St Subway Station 1,2,3 Overheard by: Franco Smooth talker: So my ex-girlfriend was a blonde Long Islander cokehead and now here I am with you. So you can see this is a real step down. –Les Enfants Terrible, Canal & Ludlow Overheard by: wants to meet the ex Hipster: You OD’d? WHERE? –14th & 6th Bitter ex: And fuck him and his fuckin’ wooden leg that I didn’t even know he sold crack out of! –80th & 3rd Disgusted hipster: I mean, I only do drugs as a joke! –14th St L station Overheard by: Em

Sometimes at the Same Time, While Making a Dummy Talk

Tall thug, shaking Pepsi bottle: This shit will kill you. See all that acid and artificial coloring. Stays in your stomach.
Short ghetto chick: Yeah, I know, you’re right.
Tall thug: You gotta drink water.
Short ghetto chick: Yeah.
Tall thug: See, me, I smoke a lot of weed and drink a lot of water. –4 Train, 59th Street