Archive for 2006

Our Product Regrew Wednesday One-Liners in Four Out of Five Users

Straight guy: I need to change my hair. Four out of five girls with that bachelorette party last night thought I was gay. –LIRR Overheard by: Phil Guy: Listen, it’s not hair replacement. It’s a system. –Sterling & 7th, Park Slope Overheard by: A White Bear White guy: Yeah, and I ripped out her weave.. it was awesome! –14th & 5th Overheard by: Amelia D Hobo: All Democrats must have pink hair, by mandate of the homeless Republican! –12th & 6th Overheard by: theNJl Ghetto girl: She wanted to charge me $400 for my hair. She was gonna charge me by the pound! Who charges for hair by the pound? I could get my homegirl to do it for $20. Never buy your hair from someone in the ‘hood! –5 train, 125th St Overheard by: La Liz Bald queer: Oh, now I have to do my hair again. It’s so difficult to keep my hands out of it! –Elevator, 1250 Broadway

Wednesday-One-Liners Call ‘Fowl’

Guy: He’s really cool as Chickenhawks go. –E 15th St, near Stuyvesant Park Preppy girl: Oh my god, this salad is bangin’, but it needs chicken. I need some motherfuckin’ chicken on my motherfuckin’ salad! –McDonald’s, Broadway Mother to daughter: Stand over here. Birds be shittin’. –Near Penn Station Overheard by: Checking for pigeons Guy, looking at man walking duck on leash: That’s just like the duck I used to have! –Central Park Man, scared by parrot’s loud screech : What the fuck was that? A duck? –86th St & 2nd Ave Man: If I was homeless, I would totally get a big trash bag and stuff it with pigeon feathers. It would be like a big down comforter. –9th St & 1st Ave Hipster girl: I know. Pigeon shit and Clorox! If I’m not dead next week it will be a miracle! –St. Marks & 1st Ave Overheard by: off white

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday-One-Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now. –110th St Train Station Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: S&J Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300-pound girl? –14th & 3rd Ave Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos. –Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave Overheard by: Mon Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out. –7 Train Overheard by: Juliet Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head! –1 Train Overheard by: megan Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion? –Classroom, NYU

Please Clean up After Your Wednesday-One-Liners

Cokehead to small dog: You piss me off. –St Marks Place Overheard by: Murray Woman to her dog: What the hell are you doing? –Fairway Market, W 74th & Broadway Overheard by: Megan Ingraham Little boy to pigeon walking behind him: Stop it! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Will Creepy old guy to dog: Yeah, yeah. Smell me. Smell me. –Stairwell of apartment building, W 105th St Overheard by: inge Man to his dog butt-sniffing dog: Don’t do that! I told you not to do that! This is why you don’t have any friends! –117th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: robin b Woman to yapping pooch: Shakespeare, we’ve talked about this! –72nd St & York WASP to dog: You’re not going to get cheese on your fries if you don’t stop misbehaving right now! –Shake Shack, 23rd St & Madison Overheard by: Matt C

Assault and Wednesday-One-Liners

Father-of-the-year: My son. He came home with a swollen eye. I asked him why and he said another boy hit him. I asked him if he hit him back and he said, ‘No.’ I asked him why and he said, ‘Because that would hurt him.’ So I said, ‘He’s hurting you, isn’t he?’ So I told him to hit him back. That’s how the world is. Do you think when he starts going to school he’ll catch on? –53rd & 6th Hard hat meathead: Hey man, I haven’t seen you since that time you hit that guy in the face with a wrench! –LIRR – Long Beach to Penn Station Evander Childs graduate: Oh, you went to Spellman? I think I beat up a kid from Spellman. –125th & Lenox Angry man on cell: Tell her that if she walks in the wrong direction again, I am going to punch her in the fucking face! –Penn Station Overheard by: Marissa Guy: Dude, I’ve totally had girls ask me to give them bloody noses before sex. –5th St between 1st & 2nd Overheard by: MMS Girl: There were these spiders on her so the guy she was with gave her a good beating all over. –1 train Overheard by: arachnophile

Wednesday-One-Liners Pledge Allegiance to the Vag

Hipster girl: I don’t want to do that to my vagina! I want my vagina to smell like va-gi-na! Who would do that to their vagina? –St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Edward Dandelions Crazy ranting dreddy guy: Respect the vagina! –St. Marks & 2nd Hipster Girl: After sex with him, I like, hydrogen peroxided my vagina. –1st Ave & 9th St Angry man on cell: No, we weren’t fighting last night, I ate your pussy! –C Train Overheard by: Ada Girl: So he was like, ‘How was your vacation’ and I was like, ‘My vagina’s sore.’ –Coffee Shop, Union Square Guy on cell: Put your head between your legs and suck your twat. –19th St Overheard by: Gross Boyfriend to girlfriend: Wait, that’s the vajayjay? –Bodies Exhibit, South Street Seaport

This is Wednesday-One-Liners’ Stop

Man boarding bus to driver: You better not go flippin’ this bitch over! –Fung Wah Bus, Chinatown Overheard by: Rose Fox Young mom: No! I will sit down! You’re a kid, you don’t even have to pay to ride the bus. I did, so I’m sitting! Move! –M60 Bus Bus driver: Everyone get on the bus, I got a schedule. For those of you sneaking on in the back, can you at least do it fast? I’ve got places to be. –B45 Bus Overheard by: Robin M. Driver of a Chinatown bus : Does anyone know how to get out of the city? –Broadway

Wednesday-One-Liners Will Be Held in the Station Momentarily…Thank You for Your Patience

Conductor: There are seats towards the back of the train.
Keep walking! Sometime today, people. What did you stop for? Keeeep walking! –Train to Grand Central Overheard by: Muffin Conductor: Where’s the other guy? Raj, if you can hear me, you can come pick up your My Little Pony from the booth. –LIRR, Hempstead station Subway station announcement: Because of an earlier incident, all trains are now running. –Union Square Station Overheard by: E Moran Conductor: This is 36th Street. Step to the side and let all the monkeys off the train. Let the monkeys off the train. –Queens bound N train Conductor: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is an extremely crowded F train. Next stop is Jay Street, and by this time it’s official, every person in New York is on this train. Please stand clear of the closing doors, if you can. –Coney Island bound F train Overheard by: F Train Sloper Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next stop is 59th Street. And if you haven’t voted and are thinking of voting for Bush, please see the movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors. –4 Train, 42nd St Overheard by: Jonny Conductor: You have yourself a satisfying Thursday. –F train