Archive for 2006

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Wednesday One-liners Like Cans of Beans

Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked. –2nd Avenue station Overheard by: Maddog Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum. –4 train Overheard by: Jen McC. Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher! –52nd & 5th Overheard by: Jess Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn. –PATH train Overheard by: Everett Moran Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately. –Q60 bus Overheard by: Ben Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn. –53rd & Park Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too. –Astor Place Overheard by: Melissa Cole Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl. –Bank & Bleecker Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that. –5th Avenue-53rd Street station Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square? –N train Overheard by: Zelda Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research. –4 train Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you. –6 train Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth! –6 train Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya? –33rd & 8th Overheard by: Brian Graham Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians! –R train Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it. –42nd & Lexington Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker

Getting Booked

Little boy: What’s the “n word,” Dad?
Dad: I’m not gonna tell you.
Little boy: Why?
Mom: It’s worse than all the other words because it makes specific people feel bad.
Dad: You don’t need to know it. It’s one of those things you’ll learn when you get older. You’ll learn a lot of bad things when you get older. –Barnes and Noble, Astor Place Overheard by: Ben You’ll learn all this and more, at 7PM on Wednesday night at the store above. Please come join us as we discuss and sign our new book.

Boxes and Boxes of Cocoa Puffs

Old woman: Have you seen Charlie?
Guy: No..he said he was gonna check himself into the hospital, and probably stay for a long time.
Old woman: Because I have some food for him…Now Patrick, have you seen Charlie? I have some food for him.
Old man: Charlie done checked hisself into the psycho ward for two months.
Old woman: I guess I gotta throw the food out then. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Heiny Kleist