Archive for 2006

Do What He Says and Nobody Gets Hurt

Conductor: This is 59th Street, Columbus Circle. Next Stop 72nd. Please use all available doors, folks. Please, use all available doors and walk to the center of the car. I’m talking to you, lady. Yeah, you in the purple standing by the door. Walk… in… to… the…. middle. Don’t give me that face, just get in the middle.
Woman in purple: Jesus! I’m switching cars. Fuck you, nigga! The doors close. Conductor: Haha, bitch. –D train, Columbus Circle Overheard by: Lauren Michelle

She’ll Be Here All Week

Woman: Hey, when’s that movie Snakes on a Plane ever gonna come out?
Old man: What? What’s that?
Woman: Maybe it’s just a joke. Like the “L” in Samuel “el” Jackson’s name. I think that’s a joke too, like, what is he? Samuel “the” Jackson?
Old man: Who’s that?
Woman: Just eat your hot dog, dad. –Central Park Overheard by: Kershinator

New Sex Ed, Now Even Fresher

Guy #1: Alright, we gonna have a good time today.
Guy #2: Eww, you use condoms — when I do it, I do it for real!
Guy #1’s girlfriend: And get the girl pregnant?
Guy #2: Something called birth control!
Girlfriend: That doesn’t mean you won’t get STDs.
Guy #2: Well, I make sure she doesn’t have STDs!
Girlfriend: But all whores have STDs, and those are the only pussy you can ever get! –Bronx Science Overheard by: Vincent Ku