Archive for 2006

When You’re Standing in the Middle of a Lake, You’re There

Tourist guy: Excuse me, do you work here?
Uniformed employee: Yes…
Tourist guy: Oh good. Is this Central Park?
Uniformed employee: No, this is Dale and Thomas Popcorn.
Tourist guy: Oh, well the bus guide said this was it. Where is it?
Uniformed employee, pointing north: Just walk that way.
Tourist guy: Well that’s not much help, how the hell am I supposed to find it?
Uniformed employee: Oh trust me, you’ll find it.
Tourist guy: HOW?
Uniformed employee: IT’S A BIG FUCKING PARK! –Dale and Thomas Popcorn, 48th & Broadway

That Really Gets My Goat

Woman: No, I’m telling you, I’m right! He couldn’t eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids.
Man: Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person.
[A period of silence — the woman looks down at her food.]
Man: What’s wrong?
Woman: I’m just really getting tired of you always being wrong. –Michael’s Restaurant, Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Wednesday One-liners, Baby Chic

Casting person: Ok, here’s the problem, they don’t wan’t a baby with a huge head compared to his chest, nor do they want to see gross veins all over its chest. They want the fucking Gerber baby, ok? –38th between 7th & 8th Friend to new mother with infant: All babies look great in black. Did you know that? –Madison & 91st Overheard by: Kelly Smith Woman: Actually, now that they’ve started talking, the twins are much less creepy. –Central Park