Archive for 2006

Must Be an OINY Reader

Tourist #1: Can you take our picture?
Young man: Sure.

Tourists put on “Chinese” hats and make their eyes slanty by pulling at the corners.

Tourists: Ching, chow, chey, high-ya!
Young man: I’m not sure you should do that.
Tourist #1: Do you think they know we’re making fun of them?
Young man: Nooo…I bet they think it’s just what crazy Europeans do when taking pictures.

Young man hands back camera and walks away quickly.

Young man to friend: That was so offensive I think it was funny.

–Chinatown

Overheard by: chapster

Nothing Good Ever Follows the Words ‘You People’

Hispanic woman: I love you Chinese people. You don’t gain weight like us Americans. It must be some secret Chinese roots you eat.
Young Asian girl: [Stares quizzically]
Hispanic woman: You people even have all fried food and the sauce, but you stay so skinny. I love Chinese food, but it make me fat. Why it doesn’t make you people fat? It is a Chinese secret; tell me it.
Young Asian girl: I’m actually of Japanese descent, and my family has lived in Jersey since the 1920’s.
Hispanic woman: But you still skinny.

–7 train, 5th Ave/Bryant Park

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Why Spending More Money Will Not Improve Education

Teacher #1: So I decided what my big job switch will be in a couple of years.
Teacher #2: What?
Teacher #1: I’m going to be a party planner. Or, someone on the set of a TV show.
Teacher #2: Huh?
Teacher #1: Well, I was watching Rachael Ray the other day, and the camera pulled back, and there was this girl with a headset.
Teacher #2: Yeah?
Teacher #1: And that’s what I want to do. I mean, teaching’s nice, but you don’t really get to interact with anybody, right? It’s just us. And the kids.
Teacher #2: Right.
Teacher #1: Oh, God, when will this train get there? I want to start drinking!

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies. –74th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Rachel 3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise! –89th & Broadway Overheard by: Alex Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise. –Kmart, Astor Place Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America. –Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd Overheard by: Rebecca Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity! — 72nd & Central Park West Overheard by: emily Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama. –1st Ave between 12th & 13th Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King! –1 train Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick. –Prospect Park, Brooklyn Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick! –Union Square Overheard by: Rebecca Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light? –Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th Overheard by: Kenzi Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free! –Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn Overheard by: Tommi Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money. –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: dank Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks. –14th & 5th Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick? –Bleecker & Sullivan Overheard by: Caroline