Archive for 2006

I Vote for the No Kids

Guy: I’m like your gay boyfriend.
Girl: Kind of.
Guy: …only without the gay sex part, of course.
Girl: Yes, and without the sense of style.
Guy: I don’t know if I’d say that…
Girl: See, you’re just very emotional. But you should really work on the style, ’cause it’s the best thing about the gay. –Virgin, Union Square

Shave and a Haircut, Four Twits

Girl #1: You wanna hear something, like, totally outrageous?
Girl #2: Always!
Girl #1: …One side of my hair grows faster than the other.
Girl #2: No way! That’s so weird.
Girl #1: Yeah! Like, the right side grows faster than the left side, and I have to show up at a salon and have them cut off the right side but not the left.
Girl #2: …You’re weird. –Carmine’s, West 44th Street

She Buys It in Bulk

Teen boy: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dwayne and I am in a program that keeps me and other kids like me off the street. They have us sell candy for $1. All profits go directly to the youth program that keeps us off the street. If you would like to purchase Snickers, Twix or Starburst, they are only $1.
Hobo: Hey, lady! Hey, fat lady! Buy some candy. You like candy, don’t you? Fat lady! Get some candy! Get some!
Lady: Asshole. –6 train Overheard by: Lydia M

“I only kneel for Christ.”

Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch.
Guy: I wouldn’t know.
Girl: What do you mean you wouldn’t know? It’s pussy.
Guy: I wouldn’t know. I’m gay.
Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like?
Guy: Wouldn’t you know? I mean when you get on your knees? –M14D bus Overheard by: Janelle Someone

Wednesday One-liners Read 1 Corinthians

Queer on cell: So I saw this store that was going out of business…Yeah, so I got a faith and three hopes…Or was it two faiths and three hopes?…Ha, yeah, there wasn’t any love or anything. I bet I could sell a faith to Madonna for a hundred million dollars. Like, “Here you go, this is the most religious thing ever. More than you….bitch.”…Ha, ha, yeah. “It has holy waters from all over the world. The Pope came on it.” –New School, West 13th Street Overheard by: jimster