Archive for 2006

Going Back to His Wife in Scarsdale

Ghetto chick: I’m pregnant
Thug: So?
Ghetto chick: What do you mean, "So"?
Thug: Shouldn’t you be having this conversation with your husband
Ghetto chick: And tell him what, that I cheated and got pregnant?
Thug: No, but you can tell him to pay for the abortion or he’ll be raising my kid, if it’s even mine.
Ghetto chick: What the fuck do you mean if it’s yours?
Thug: Bitch please! I’m a pimp, look I gotta go–you and your husband figure it out.
Ghetto chick: Where the fuck you think your going?
Thug: Bitch, I don’t answer to you. I’m out.

–875 3rd Ave

Overheard by: splashmaster

An Order of Magnitude Less Valuable

Hipster girl #1: Did you see Project Runway last night?
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, finally Vincent was voted off.
Hipster girl #1: I know, he should have been voted off a while ago
Hipster girl #2: Well, Vincent wasn’t the smartest guy in the world… I mean, he cashed in his 41k.

–4th & Bedford

Overheard by: hoppe

It’s Even Funnier If You Know What They’re Talking About

Girl #1: You’re a geek, too. You took your Lord of the Rings action figures to the opening night of Return of the King, and you made them sit on your lap and watch the movie.
Girl #2: That wasn’t me.
Girl #1: Oh yeah. That was me. But you like Dune.
Girl #2: Don’t you have a crush on Muad’Dib?
Girl #1: Oh yeah.

–Penn Station

And I Insist Upon Sharing All the Details of Our Love with You…Son

Thug #1: Your mom is a lady, bro.
Thug #2: I don’t want to hear no more of this shit. Go fuck her in the ass. Go fuck her in the ear. I don’t want to hear it.
Thug #1: No, dawg. She a WOMAN.
Thug #2: Fuck you, I said stoppit.
Thug #1: I know you smart. I know you smart. But she is a lady.

–61st and CPW

Overheard by: Lauren Michelle

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Wardrobe Malfunction

Young professional woman, trying in vain to flag a cab uptown: I should have worn something sluttier today.

–25th & Park

Overheard by: Mike S Business woman: All I need are some pasties, Daisy Dukes, and some four-inch heels. Then I’ll get a promotion.

–43rd & Lex

Overheard by: I thought that she worked in an office Girl: The place is Salsa-ey, so dress a little slutty.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Ronnie Q Tween girl in hot-pants and tight shirt: I can’t buy that. My mom doesn’t let me wear baggy clothes. –Target, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn Chick: I want hooker boots… but not in the heels. I want flats. –Hunter College Conservative guy: The second smartest person in this country is Ann Coulter. And let me tell you, she looks good in a pair of tight pants and Manolos at 2:30 in the morning. –Metro-North Overheard by: Stupid Liberal Hottie Chick on cell: Well, then I don’t feel so bad about going in a little vinyl skirt if you’re just going to be wearing underwear. –Harlem Overheard by: McFreaky

Grand Slam Wednesday One-Liners

Man selling CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my album!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: nicole

Mets fan
: I don’t care if I have one lung, or only have half a pancreas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go.

–7 train

Asshole, pointing to guy with Red Sox bumper sticker on his wheelchair
: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it.

–126th & St Nick

Conductor, on PA
: That Johnny Damon. He sure looks like Jesus. But he sure throws like my little sister.

–Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Lisita

MTA worker
: All people for the Mets game, go to your right. All people for the US Open, if any, go to your left.

–Willets Point-Shea Stadium subway station

Overheard by: Emily

: Yo, when I make it in show business, I will not speak to Ben Affleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I decided then and there.

–Q65 bus

Overheard by: A White Bear

: 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. Let Big Papi know who the real MVP is.

–D train

Overheard by: Lindsay J.

Wednesday One-Liners are Skin Deep, at Best

Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one.

–8th & Hudson

Overheard by: Michelle

: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight.

–20th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Baby

Hobo to hot girl
: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful.

–34th St N station

Overheard by: Lara

Guy on cell
: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out.

–Duane Reade, 27th & Madison

Suit to friend
: But I was prettier back then.

–Church & Chambers

: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’?

Woman ignores him.

Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves…

–14th & Broadway

: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians.

–Hunter College