Archive for 2006

It’s Even Funnier If You Know What They’re Talking About

Girl #1: You’re a geek, too. You took your Lord of the Rings action figures to the opening night of Return of the King, and you made them sit on your lap and watch the movie.
Girl #2: That wasn’t me.
Girl #1: Oh yeah. That was me. But you like Dune.
Girl #2: Don’t you have a crush on Muad’Dib?
Girl #1: Oh yeah.

–Penn Station

And I Insist Upon Sharing All the Details of Our Love with You…Son

Thug #1: Your mom is a lady, bro.
Thug #2: I don’t want to hear no more of this shit. Go fuck her in the ass. Go fuck her in the ear. I don’t want to hear it.
Thug #1: No, dawg. She a WOMAN.
Thug #2: Fuck you, I said stoppit.
Thug #1: I know you smart. I know you smart. But she is a lady.

–61st and CPW

Overheard by: Lauren Michelle

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Wardrobe Malfunction

Young professional woman, trying in vain to flag a cab uptown: I should have worn something sluttier today.

–25th & Park

Overheard by: Mike S Business woman: All I need are some pasties, Daisy Dukes, and some four-inch heels. Then I’ll get a promotion.

–43rd & Lex

Overheard by: I thought that she worked in an office Girl: The place is Salsa-ey, so dress a little slutty.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Ronnie Q Tween girl in hot-pants and tight shirt: I can’t buy that. My mom doesn’t let me wear baggy clothes. –Target, Atlantic Center, Brooklyn Chick: I want hooker boots… but not in the heels. I want flats. –Hunter College Conservative guy: The second smartest person in this country is Ann Coulter. And let me tell you, she looks good in a pair of tight pants and Manolos at 2:30 in the morning. –Metro-North Overheard by: Stupid Liberal Hottie Chick on cell: Well, then I don’t feel so bad about going in a little vinyl skirt if you’re just going to be wearing underwear. –Harlem Overheard by: McFreaky

Grand Slam Wednesday One-Liners

Man selling CDs: If you like the Mets, you will love my album!

–8th & Broadway

Overheard by: nicole


Mets fan
: I don’t care if I have one lung, or only have half a pancreas, or if I lose a leg falling in front of the train. As long as the Mets win, I’m good to go.


–7 train


Asshole, pointing to guy with Red Sox bumper sticker on his wheelchair
: He’s a Boston fan; let’s kick his ass! Oh wait, looks like God beat us to it.


–126th & St Nick


Conductor, on PA
: That Johnny Damon. He sure looks like Jesus. But he sure throws like my little sister.


–Amtrak train out of Penn Station

Overheard by: Lisita


MTA worker
: All people for the Mets game, go to your right. All people for the US Open, if any, go to your left.


–Willets Point-Shea Stadium subway station

Overheard by: Emily


Thugette
: Yo, when I make it in show business, I will not speak to Ben Affleck. When I found out he’s a Red Sox fan, I decided then and there.


–Q65 bus

Overheard by: A White Bear


Conductor
: 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. Let Big Papi know who the real MVP is.


–D train

Overheard by: Lindsay J.


Wednesday One-Liners are Skin Deep, at Best

Guy, to twin girls: She’s the pretty one.

–8th & Hudson

Overheard by: Michelle


Hobo
: Hey, baby! Oh, maaaan. You so gorgeous. I wanna paint you red. You wait. I’m gonna paint you red tonight.


–20th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Baby


Hobo to hot girl
: I’ve been prairie dogging it the whole train ride, but I just want to tell you that you’re beautiful.


–34th St N station

Overheard by: Lara


Guy on cell
: She’s good looking, but not too smart — like Jessica Simpson. Not as dumb as her, but not as hot either, so I guess it kind of evens out.


–Duane Reade, 27th & Madison


Suit to friend
: But I was prettier back then.


–Church & Chambers


Guy
: Hey, gorgeous, how ya doin’?


Woman ignores him.

Guy: Well, well, well, aren’t we full of ourselves…

–14th & Broadway


Dude
: I only went out with her because she knows some hot lesbians.


–Hunter College


Look to Your Right and Left, NYU Class of 2010: One of You Wednesday One-Liners Will be Gone by Spring

NYU kid: I’m waiting for a roomba that runs on solar.

–Washington Square


NYU hipster
: Do you ever find a little self-deprecation to be charming?


–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Joey Gillis


NYU chick
: I drink Sprite not Pepsi because you know, it’s colorless so there’s no fat or calories so I can stay thin. You drink Pepsi and that’s brown and thick so it’s got carbs.


–NYU dorm

Overheard by: Low Fat Soda


NYU girl
: I don’t like that sour is attached to cream; don’t let the fucking cream go sour!


–Williams & Wall

Overheard by: Genevieve


NYU girl
: So they call it a keg stand…they hold your legs up and you’re just supposed to drink out of the spout thingy. SOOOOOO weird, but the guy was hot so I did it.


–W 4th St


NYU student
: So I said, "I don’t care what time it is, you are supposed to be a lesbian!"


–Union Square Whole Foods

Overheard by: Batman


NYU girl
: Yeah, she did kinda look like a lesbian. I mean, she had really bad posture.


–Church & Murray

Overheard by: Jason


Wednesday One-Liners Could Pinch Hit for William Safire

Wardrobe consultant chick: Hey Jorge*, el foodo is here! Wait a minute, what’s the word again?

–Men’s Wearhouse, 34th & 5th

Overheard by: erak


Tourist woman on cell
: That’s not even the right thing to say to somebody in a fight. A "punk" is from the 50s. It’s like a tough guy or a street guy.


–56th & 5th


Woman on cell
: You know what pull my finger means? Well you better start pulling your finger. Pull it 24/7.


–12th & 1st


Guy
: Korean words don’t end in vowels, you fuckhead. Except for "Korea"… and "Hyundai".


–Chelsea Market


Yuppie dad lecturing two school-age sons
: Last week, this girl in my class said that something just sucked and I told her, "You know, when you’re in English class, vocabulary is cool, and it’s better to say that something is disappointing instead of saying that it sucks."


–Tip-Top Shoes, W 72nd St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok


Man on cell
: Do you know what trifling means?? No! It does NOT mean truffle-making!


–17th & 6th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet


Guy, passing "La Bagel Delight"
: That means "The Bagel Delight" in

French!

–7th Ave, Park Slope


Where in the World are Wednesday One-Liners?

Tourist: Is this 49th Street? Oh no, I think we’re at Times Square!

–Uptown R Train at Union Square

Overheard by: Limey


Lady on cell
: I’m on the corner by the trash can and the lamp.


–Union Square


Man on cell
: Wait, I’m on 4th and Broadway…Hey wait, are you me? Who are you?


–4th and Broadway


Guy on cell
: Ey! Eeeey! What, like you can’t SEE me? I’m up heeeeh, waving my arms like an ingrate!


–Shea Stadium, upper deck

Overheard by: Infield Fly


Guy on cell
: Yeah I’m here in the NYU park. We are gonna talk about feng shui. Not your feng shui, my feng shui.


–washington square park

Overheard by: ak


Guy on cell
: I can see a big building, can you see a big building where you are?


–University and 8th Street