Archive for 2006

Ok, That’s My New Worst Fear Too

Girl #1: My worst fear is falling on a picket fence or getting eaten by a shark.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, well my worst fear is someone pushing me forward onto a blackboard and having my teeth scrape down the front. That would be awful.

–Grand Central Station

Our Product Regrew Wednesday One-Liners in Four Out of Five Users

Straight guy: I need to change my hair. Four out of five girls with that bachelorette party last night thought I was gay.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Phil


Guy
: Listen, it’s not hair replacement. It’s a system.


–Sterling & 7th, Park Slope

Overheard by: A White Bear


White guy
: Yeah, and I ripped out her weave.. it was awesome!


–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Amelia D


Hobo
: All Democrats must have pink hair, by mandate of the homeless Republican!


–12th & 6th

Overheard by: theNJl


Ghetto girl
: She wanted to charge me $400 for my hair. She was gonna charge me by the pound! Who charges for hair by the pound? I could get my homegirl to do it for $20. Never buy your hair from someone in the ‘hood!


–5 train, 125th St

Overheard by: La Liz


Bald queer
: Oh, now I have to do my hair again. It’s so difficult to keep my hands out of it!


–Elevator, 1250 Broadway


Wednesday-One-Liners Call ‘Fowl’

Guy: He’s really cool as Chickenhawks go.

–E 15th St, near Stuyvesant Park


Preppy girl
: Oh my god, this salad is bangin’, but it needs chicken. I need some motherfuckin’ chicken on my motherfuckin’ salad!


–McDonald’s, Broadway


Mother to daughter
: Stand over here. Birds be shittin’.


–Near Penn Station

Overheard by: Checking for pigeons


Guy, looking at man walking duck on leash
: That’s just like the duck I used to have!


–Central Park


Man, scared by parrot’s loud screech
: What the fuck was that? A duck?


–86th St & 2nd Ave


Man
: If I was homeless, I would totally get a big trash bag and stuff it with pigeon feathers. It would be like a big down comforter.


–9th St & 1st Ave


Hipster girl
: I know. Pigeon shit and Clorox! If I’m not dead next week it will be a miracle!


–St. Marks & 1st Ave

Overheard by: off white


One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday-One-Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110th St Train Station


Film man
: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.


–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J


Suit on cell
: You hooked up with a 300-pound girl?


–14th & 3rd Ave


Mexican guy
: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.


–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon


Thug
: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.


–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet


Conductor
: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!


–1 Train

Overheard by: megan


Econ major
: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?


–Classroom, NYU