Archive for 2006

She Was One of the People on the Laugh Track in Natural Born Killers

Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we’re not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it’s a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he’s getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores — I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That’s a bit soulless. But it’s also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You’re just a mean whore.

–Bedford & 6th St

Overheard by: Overheard in New York is based on that very concept

Unlike Chinese Guys, Where You Have One and You’re Hungry 30 Minutes Later

Guy in truck: I’m Italian!
Girl wearing ‘I Love Italian Guys’ t-shirt: Yeah, go kill yourself! I get that all day!

–58th St

Overheard by: Scottyboy


Headline by: Abartig

Runners-Up:

· “”So, do you have any Italian in ya? You want some?”” – erak

· “Because the “Putana Facile” T-shirt was not working.” – cristina

· “But I’m not “in” love with them” – Marc

· “Her “I Fuck Jews” T-shirt Also Sends Mixed Signals” – s h

· “She knows a real Italian will just try to rape her” – cornelious

· “Sibyl: The Dating Years” – Sara

· “The “I love my daddy” t-shirt was even less fun.” – Defies Gravity

· “This passes for courtship in New Jersey” – Amanda

· “Veni, vidi, vd” – em




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Perils of Hiring Siblings as Publicists

Girl on cell: I’m looking at your Myspace right now. Change your song. You don’t know my brother. You shouldn’t have his song on here if you don’t know him. He wrote it, he sings it, it’s his song. No, I don’t care. Take it off. You don’t even know him. Well, you better. Like, today. I’ll see you on Saturday.

–Great Kills Library, Staten Island

Overheard by: Tracy

Economy-Class Wednesday One-Liners

AirTran flight attendant over intercom: We hope you ladies and gentlemen had a nice flight, and we ask that you all press your faces against the windows so Delta can see what a full flight looks like.

–LaGuardia

Airline employee over loudspeaker: Last call for John Smith* to board flight 1234.
Airline loudspeaker, 10 minutes later: Seriously, last call for John Smith* for flight 1234.
Airline Loudspeaker, 10 more minutes later: Okay, John Smith, you know we love you, but the plane has to take off now!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Kim

Flight attendant: The captain has advised us that our flying time will be quick, at an altitude of high and a speed of fast.

–JFK airport

Flight attendant: We do encounter bumps between the runway and the gate — that’s not my fault. It’s not even the captain’s fault. It’s the asphalt.

–JFK airport

Flight Attendant: Thank you for flying US Airways, and have a happy… happy… what the hell holiday is this? Columbus? Psssh, that ain’t no holiday. Have a good week!

–LaGuardia Airport

American Airline pilot: Ok guys, we’re just waiting on some United dude to clear our tail so we can push.

–La Guardia Airport – about to take off

Overheard by: So K

Pilot flying into LaGuardia: If you look out the right side of the plane, you can see the beautiful, famous downtown skyline of Manhattan. [Pause.] And if you look out the left side… [pause, sighing] New Jersey.

–LaGuardia

Overheard by: mj kiran

Wednesday One-Liners Are ‘Persons of Interest’

Nu-metal kid: Man, I haven’t been arrested in so long!

–St. Mark’s Place & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Barrie

Teen boy commandeering speaker: Next stop: Riker’s Island.

–Uptown 1 train

Overheard by: Victoria

Black tranny to another: Honey, that’s the worst thing you can be called up in jail!

–Christopher & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Walking away even faster

Ghetto mom on phone: If you report it they’ll have to arrest the both of us.

–Cablevision office, Brooklyn

Middle-aged wankster: Yo, I rubbed ‘Get Money Oil’ on my apron one time, and that week I got fired from fuckin’ three jobs and I got fuckin’ arrested! Don’t fuckin’ mess with witchcraft!

–Coldstone, 6th Avenue

Overheard by: rpk

Old teacher: Teaching tenth grade isn’t so bad. By that time the rotten ones don’t bother to show up or they’re already in jail.

–E train

Overheard by: jobee

White, mid-40s nerd petting dog: You know, I think it’s really funny how a guy can pet a dog and everyone thinks he’s the nicest guy in the world, but the second he does it to a stranger on the street, they wanna lock him in jail.

–Marquet Cafe, E 12th St.

Overheard by: Grace

We’re Losing the War on Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde on cell: It’s not a methadone program! You’re on methadone the whole time while you’re in there, but it’s not a methadone program!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: PNY

Frat boy: It’s liquid cocaine, and it’s going to be legal for at least another year!

–Lion’s Head Bar, 108th & Amsterdam

Dude: You just spray it and then snort it…

–33 W 19th Street

Overheard by: Uh, I never did it like that..

Man on cell: Man, you’re always high! Remember that construction job? No, of course you don’t — ’cause you were high!

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Isaiah Tanenbaum

Lead singer: I sweat coke at Bikram Yoga.

–Crash Mansion

Queer on cell: And the one thing I should’ve been buying myself — drugs — he was buying for me.

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: MR

Attorney on phone: She may smoke pot, but she’s absolutely responsible!

–Midtown East

Overheard by: Opie

Earth to Wednesday One-Liners, What Is Your Position?

Clerk: Australia… is that here or is that one of those France places?

–Utica and Atlantic, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Keith

JAP: Then we went to Florence, and after that to the seacoast around Genoa, all these little towns — I think it’s called the Geneva Convention.

–Hip coffee shop, 71 Irving Place

JAP: So where exactly is New England? Is it in Europe?

–Duane Reade

Tourist chick, pointing far away: That’s Manhattan, right?

–Observatory, Empire State Building

Overheard by: kaja

Guy to friends: Wait, are you sure we’re not in Boston?

–86th and Park Ave.

Tourist to her family, pointing at City Hall: I’m not sure what that building is, but I’m going to guess it’s the French Embassy.

–Next to the gates outside City Hall

Girl: Mom, where is Viagra Falls?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Delilah