Archive for 2006

I See Harvey Keitel as the Mother

Mom to a seven-year-old kid on school bus: Fucking animal, I’ll fucking kill you!
Seven-year-old bully: Suck my dick, you ugly bitch!
Mom to son: Every fucking day! I can’t stand this shit!

–11th St & 4th ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Wish she didn’t live on the block

Communications Major

Ditz #1: Are you applying to any SUNYs?
Ditz #2: What? What’s that?
Ditz #1: A ‘State University of New York.’
Ditz #2: Oh, Michigan?
Ditz #1: No, no, no. What are your safety schools?
Ditz #2: Michigan?

–Death Cab for Cutie show, Madison Square Garden Theater

Overheard by: Jess Cohen

Star… Something… Something

Teen boy #1: No, the gold one is called ‘CD3′ or something. The little one is, like, ‘R4M23.’
Teen boy #2: I think the gold robot was named ‘R3DM24.’ It was the small one that was ‘C-something.’
Teen boy #3: No, man, the gold guy was ‘C3DDO,’ and the little silver one was ‘RH52′ or some shit.
Frustrated 30-something lady behind them: The gold one is ‘C3PO’ and the smaller one is ‘R2-D2′!
Teen boy #2: Oh, thanks — you can tell we’re not Trekkies.

–M15 bus

Lucky His Mittens are Pinned to His Jacket

Health services assistant: Can I help you?
20-something male: Yeah, okay. See, so I woke up in a hospital this morning, and I have no idea how I got there, and I can’t find my Columbia ID card and so I can’t get back in the dorm.
Health services assistant: Um…
20-something male: My wallet had everything left in it except my ID card. I asked all over the hospital and no one knows where my ID card is. I asked everywhere.
Health services manager: Which hospital? St. Vincent’s?
20-something male: Yeah, St. Vincent’s.
Health services manager: Do you know who brought you there?
20-something male: No, I have no idea how I got there.
Health services manager: Um… So how can I help you?
20-something male: How can I find my ID card?
Health services manager: Maybe check with the Lost and Found at the hospital, or go to ID services and see if someone turned it in.
20-something male: Okay. Thanks. Bye.

–Columbia University Urgent Care Clinic