Archive for 2006

The Kite Was a Nice Touch

Woman #1: I didn’t want to wash my hair today, so I put powder in it, but I put too much. I look like Benjamin Franklin.
Woman #2: No, who’s the electricity guy?
Woman #1: Benjamin Franklin.
Woman #2: Yeah, you look like Benjamin Franklin.

–F train

Overheard by: Bex

It’s Only Fair, Since Attractive People Never Get Any Advantages in Our Society

Woman #1 after Wicked raffle: Ugh, I can’t believe we didn’t win. It really sucks.
Woman #2: I know, I’m totally bummed out.
Woman #1: Well, that one woman, like, really deserved to win because it was her birthday.
Woman #2: And the rest of them were pretty good-looking, too.
Woman #1: Well, just as long as none of them were, like, ugly. I guess then it’s okay.
Woman #2: Yeah, most of them were pretty hot. I’d do them.

–50th & Broadway

Overheard by: T.M.

It’s Long, But We Think It’s Worth It

Heavy lady: I caught him the other day puttin’ lip gloss on. I was all like, ‘The hell you think you’re doin’, boy?’ He was all like, ‘I like the way it looks, it’s cool.’ I swear, we were in there, and he came running over to me. ‘Ma, Ma, can I have this?’ And he hands me a flavored lip gloss. I beat his ass right in the store. I mean, it tastes good, but I ain’t about him usin’ lip gloss. That boy ain’t right.

Interlude for passenger disembarkment.

Heavy lady: I swear, somethin’s wrong with that boy. He was on the phone with his boy for, like, two hours. I went to his room to see what he was doing. I swear he was jerkin’ off with his man on the phone.
Friend: With his friend?
Heavy lady: Mmmhm. He’s layin’ there naked, and he tells me he wasn’t doin’ nothin’… He was ‘hot,’ he says. Shit. I told his ass I don’t want his gay ass jerkin’ off on the phone.
Friend: Oh, no.

Interlude for passenger disembarkment.

Heavy lady: You know, my little one came to me and handed me something. She’s all like, ‘Can I have this candy?’ You know what she hands me?
Friend: What?
Heavy lady: A banana-flavored latex condom. I asked her, ‘Where’d you get this?’ You know, because I be usin’ polyurethane condoms, and my little one is only five and she don’t need to be usin’ condoms yet.

–Q train to Manhattan

Overheard by: Alex Agius