Mom: Excuse me, Mr. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin, that’s a little revisionist, don’t you think? –Park Slope
Guy on cell: I don’t think it’s time yet to do the professional intervention thing. I mean if she drops down below 90, then maybe it’s time. But I’d like to her get down to 95, then she would be hot. As long as she doesn’t lose those 5 in her tits. Shit, she has nice tits. –Whole Foods, Union Square
Guy: You know, for a hundred dollars, you can get that old mink stole
made into a teddy bear! –M104 bus Overheard by: Ron Caldwell
Jamaican woman: Oh mahn, I used to get so high and den turn on dat Spanish channel so loud and just sit in front of it and listen. –34th & 8th Overheard by: Future NYer
Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it. –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Marc Mitchell
Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Maddog
Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.
Overheard by: Jen McC.
Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!
–52nd & 5th
Overheard by: Jess
Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.
Overheard by: Everett Moran
Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.
Overheard by: Ben
Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.
–53rd & Park
Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.
Overheard by: Melissa Cole
Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.
–Bank & Bleecker
Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.
–5th Avenue-53rd Street station
Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa
Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?
Overheard by: Zelda
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.
Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!
Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: Brian Graham
Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!
Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.
–42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker
Man: When I told her I worked for the State of New York she seemed to
lose interest. –F train
Chick: Every time Todd talks to a girl he thinks he’s on a date. –9th Street between 1st & 2nd
Queer: Hey, the red is looking really good on you. That’s gonna be the next color of my living room walls, like God had a nosebleed! –Tekserve, West 23rd Street
Girl: I feel like if your vagina is wet enough, you won’t get AIDS. –Kitchenette Uptown, Amsterdam Avenue Overheard by: Fatty McFingers