Archive for 2006

“Wow, That’s Awesome”?

Guy #1: You know what we need? A nice breeze.
Guy #2: What the fuck are you talking about? It’s cold as balls.
Guy #1: I was being ironic.
Guy #2: That’s not ironic. Ironic is like…shit, I don’t know. Like that song.
Guy #1: Naw, man. That’s what people think, but ironic is when you say some shit but you mean some other shit.
Guy #2: Motherfucker, that’s facetious.
Guy #1: Yeah…Then what’s ironic?
Guy #2: How the fuck should I know? You the nigga with the GED. –49th & 7th

Was They for Serious?

Hipster girl: I still don’t understand why they say “word.”
Hipster guy: Well, I think it’s because they don’t know what word to use. Like, they get so excited they can’t say anything else.
Hipster girl: Why don’t they just say like, “Wow, that’s awesome” or something?
Hipster guy: That just makes you sound like an idiot. –G train Overheard by: Justin Fitzgerald

Wednesday One-liners Miss St. Elsewhere

Guy on cell: I don’t think it’s time yet to do the professional intervention thing. I mean if she drops down below 90, then maybe it’s time. But I’d like to her get down to 95, then she would be hot. As long as she doesn’t lose those 5 in her tits. Shit, she has nice tits. –Whole Foods, Union Square

Clothes Make the Wednesday One-liners

Guy: You know, for a hundred dollars, you can get that old mink stole
made into a teddy bear! –M104 bus Overheard by: Ron Caldwell

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Wednesday One-liners Like Cans of Beans

Hobo: Well, mathematically speaking, I’m fucked.

–2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: Maddog

Hobo: I don’t steal. I don’t snatch purses. I don’t bother women. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a homosexual. But I do bathe. And I do sleep on the subway ’cause I am a bum.

–4 train

Overheard by: Jen McC.

Hobo: Anybody want to take the day off and cuddle with me? It’s kosher!

–52nd & 5th

Overheard by: Jess

Hobo: I’m just tryin’ to get some pussy here and all y’all gotta come up in here and bother me. Damn.

–PATH train

Overheard by: Everett Moran

Hobo: I’ve been shitting plastic lately.

–Q60 bus

Overheard by: Ben

Hobo: Please help me…Please help me…I need money to buy popcorn…Please help me…I need a hot meal…I need money to buy popcorn.

–53rd & Park

Hobo: Uh oh, uh oh! You make a big doo-doo! It’s okay. I make big doo-doos too.

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Melissa Cole

Hobo: Spare a little change, girls? That’s all right, God bless you…even the Chinese girl.

–Bank & Bleecker

Hobo: The tax man has a licence to kill. No questions asked. More people should know that.

–5th Avenue-53rd Street station

Overheard by: Tzvi Tampa

Hobo: If you see a suspicious black package on this train do not pick it up. If you see a large, black package on my seat after I leave, do not worry. It is not a bomb. I’ve been riding this train for fifteen years. Leave it for the Coney island clean-up crew. They’ll take care of it. It is not a weapon, it is not filled with hundred dollar bills, just don’t touch it…Did you know that Union Square is a hundred years older than Times Square?

–N train

Overheard by: Zelda

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the interruption. I am trying to raise one million dollars and 25 cents for wine research.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Hobo: All you people who just got on the train, everybody in this car already gave me $7. Everybody gave me $7 but you.

–6 train

Girl: So I saw this homeless guy walking down the street with, like, all the bags and stuff, and he had something bewtween his teeth!

–6 train

Hobo: Hey man, help an ugly dude out, will ya?

–33rd & 8th

Overheard by: Brian Graham

Hobo: What’s the holdup? Let’s get this train moving! There’s people gots to go to work, gots to go to school! There’s pregnant people! Court musicians!

–R train

Hobo: Yeah, a couple of Jewish lawyers out to fuck the world…Shee-it.

–42nd & Lexington

Overheard by: Ronald A. Veenker