Get the 10 best quotesby e-mail weekly!
February 2006 Archives
Robbie Sounds Like an Ashole
Girl #1: So, I don't know, I guess I'm giving up manicures for Lent.
Girl #2: Really? Shit! I'm not. Robbie would not be cool with that.
--Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Katie M.
Go Back to Jersey, Girl
Chick: I'd do you.
Kevin Smith: No, you wouldn't. Not even if you were stoned and drunk.
--Jacob Javits Center
Overheard by: Heather
Test Some in a Kid First
Man: She needs to be on something.
Woman: She is; haven't you seen all the medicine bottles on her desk?
Man: She's got medicine on her desk? Let's go get some.
--50th & 8th
Overheard by: Jelly Bean
My Mom's Fucking Advice Was Way Off
Mom: ...and you have to hold my hand before we go out into the street.
Little girl: Best fucking advice ever.
--106th & Broadway
Overheard by: djlindee
Faith Isn't Quite Brain Surgery
Guy: How can you believe in God? You've never seen him.
Girl: Well, I believe you have a brain though I've never seen it!
--F train
This Book's Really Shitty
Mom: You couldn't even wait 'til we got to the bathroom.
Little boy: I told you.
Mom: You know you coulda held it.
--Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Ben Couch
This Protractor's Really Shitty
Guy #1: Ever notice you can't fart on these subway seats?
Guy #2: I think it's the angle; I've had that problem before.
--4 train
Overheard by: Mike
This Cummerbund's Really Shitty
Guy: Why are you wearing tuxedo pants?
Jon Stewart: I want to raise my baby formally. It's black tie in the
house.
--Daily Show studios, 51st & 11th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
These Seats Are Really Shitty
Woman: Excuse me, where's the restroom?
Usher guy: Sixth seat on the right, ma'am.
--Eugene O'Neill Theater, West 49th Street
Talk About Hitting the Right Note
Guy #1: Shouldn't you guys be out looking for jobs instead of practicing four part harmonies?
Songbo: Shouldn't you be sucking his dick?
Guy #2: He does have a point.
--R train
Less Seeds
Chick: I wanna get some juice.
Guy: What juice?
Chick: POM juice.
Guy: Oh, please.
Chick: What's wrong with POM juice?
Guy: It tastes like pussy.
Chick: Like my pussy?
--Whole Foods, Union Square
Prostate Cancer?
Girl #1: Sara, everything's not about you.
Girl #2: Everything's relevant to me.
--Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Trix
He Should Be Getting Her Drunk
Man: Do you work or go to school?
JAP: I work.
Man: Really? Because you look young.
JAP: How old do you think I am?
Man: 19?
JAP: Do you really think you should be hitting on a 19 year old girl?
--Falucka, Bleecker Street
Meanwhile, Mary Jo Looks Like Two-Face
Woman #1: Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Amy Fisher?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Well, you do. I mean what she did was wrong and all, but she was a beautiful woman, so are you.
--6 train
She Hails from Crawfordheim
Vendor guy: Do you like manga? Have you heard of yaoi?
Woman: I'm sorry. I'm German. I'm a little retarded when it comes to language.
--Jacob Javits Center
Sorry, the Evil Priest Positions Have Been Filled
Woman #1: I've been thinking lately that I want to be a gynecologist.
Woman #2: That'd be so cute! You could deliver babies and everything!
Woman #1: Oh. Well. Actually, I don't really like children. I mean, I'd be willing to kill them, but I wouldn't really want to deliver them...
--Nevada Smith's, 3rd Avenue
Meet Katrina Levy
Drunk girl #1: I have so many beads.
Drunk girl #2: Stop showing your tits!
Drunk girl #1: I can't!
--Mars 2112 ladies' room, 51st & Broadway
Overheard by: Lauren Lerner
She's Calling It Rape Now?
Suit #1: So, they fired everyone in your department, but they offered you to stick around for two months and help them with the transition period?
Suit #2: Yeah, they said that there was a very good chance they would keep me on a permanent basis if everything went well.
Suit #1: And you said...
Suit #2: I told them to go fuck themselves. I mean, you can't come into my house, rape my mother, and then expect me to go out drinking with you.
--3 train
Overheard by: J.J. Taveras
"I can't read Arabic."
Woman: I want to report that there is a drawing of Hitler at the bottom of these stairs.
MTA lady: Well, is there anything anti-Semitic written with the drawing?
--225th Street 1 station
Overheard by: adam
Who's Your Daddy?
Man: Ay, Mami, looking good today...
Woman: Can't you see I am with my son?
Little boy: You're his mommy too?
--14th & 3rd
Overheard by: Constantino
That's Being Chi-curious
Girl #1: Wow. Akiva Goldsmith's really made something for himself...for a Jew.
Girl #2: God you're a racist.
Girl #1: What makes me a racist? I'm part Jewish.
Girl #2: An hour ago you asked me why all Asians look the same.
--Loews Lincoln Square, West 68th Street
Overheard by: Pop Iris
Until He Changed His Name at Tisch
Conductor: The man in the yellow hat, please get off the train. We
don't take passengers at Fordham.
Woman: Isn't that Curious George's owner?
--Metro-North
I'm Thinking Tisch
Girl: How do you like NYU so far?
Guy: I like it a lot.
Girl: So, are you at least bi-curious yet?
--8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelvin M Loh
Guy: Hey, I haven't seen you in, like, two years.
Girl #1: Yeah, not since that time we made out at Cristina's party...then you went to Paris.
Guy: ...I'm gay now.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #2: NYU boys should really come with warning labels.
--Waverly Building elevator, Waverly Place
There's Plenty of Ass in the Mirror
Teen guy: You owe me a buck, I didn't complain about gettin' no ass all day.
Teen girl: How about a blowjob instead?
Teen guy: You serious?
Teen girl: Sure...
Teen guy: I bet you wouldn't be good anyways. It's a whole dollar.
Teen girl: Well, you missed out...
Teen guy: How about you come to my roof sometime?
Teen girl: Man-whore.
Teen guy: You can't call me that, I haven't gotten any ass in months.
Teen girl: Ha, ha. I get more ass than you!
--E train
Overheard by: teenagersarefunny
They Came from the Gap
Guy: ...Newborn babies are pretty small, yo.
Girl: Not small enough to fit in your pocket!
Guy: What if you were wearing cargo pants?
--A train
Overheard by: rachel
Still Not Ready to Make a Commitment
Girl: Why don't you just make a list of things I need to change about myself so I can be more like you?
Guy: Okay, let's start with your tooth brushing. How about rinsing off the toothbrush before you put it back into the cabinet so there is not old toothpaste and spit dripping off of it? And how about rinsing after you brush?
Girl: Anything else?
Guy: No, I think that's the only thing you need to change about yourself.
--88th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Bill
That International Five Ring Circus
Woman: So the Olympics are in Italy?
Man: Yeah, Torino.
Woman: Where's that?
Man: Italy.
--Bryant Park
The Dead Don't Cry on Their LiveJournal
Girl #1: You should see this guy. He's like the reincarnation of Gerard Way.
Girl #2: Gerard Way's not dead.
Girl #1: He's emo. He's dead inside.
--E train
Nah, He Never Needs to Transfer
God Squad lady: Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming!
Girl: Well, is he going to be getting off the S train? 'Cause I'll just meet him there.
--Port Authority
Head You Win, Tail You Win
Hobo #1: Penny for the homeless?
Hobo #2: You've got to be universal, you can't just ask the pretty women.
--14th & Broadway
Overheard by: Joe Q
Like a Big Blue Monster Sitting in Your Heart
Guy #1: Cookies!
Girl: I don't know if I want to bring in the cookies tomorrow; they're so heavy.
Guy #2: You know what's heavier? The guilt you'll feel for disappointing us.
--The Strand
Barbie was Right About Math Class
Girl #1: I'm serious, I'm 23
Girl #2: No way you ain't. I'm 23, and I'm 28,
--Olive Garden, Times Square
"Stop proving it."
Teen boy: Wow, look, my feet are bigger than yours!
Dad: So what? My dick is bigger than yours!
--Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Sarah
We'd Think It's Performance Art
Guy #1: I just need a few dollars to get on the train. I lost my wallet.
Guy #2: Sorry, I'm broke. I don't have anything.
Guy #1: Everyone in this city is broke! No one wants to help anyone! They wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!
--50th & Park
Overheard by: Ethan
That Doesn't Sound Like Aramaic
Yarmulke guy: Bush fascista, se tenemos ser la lista! Bush fascista, se tenemos ser la lista!
Woman: Do you think he's Orthodox?
Man: He's Orthodox crazy.
--G train
Overheard by: quitecontrarian
The Mona Lisa Just Burst Out Laughing
Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it's so good. Hey, you know they're making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who's starring in it!
Girl: I dunno...
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!
--New School elevator, 13th & 5th
Overheard by: Halli Civelek
Their Governor is a Big Dick
Store guy: Hello, how can I help you?
Chick: I'd like a meatball sub.
Store guy: would you like a six inch or footlong?
Chick: Footland.
--Subway, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Mike
She's Right on the Mark
Guy: Hey, you`ve been reading that book for a long time.
Girl: It's a good book. It's my dad's. He already finished it. He's reading mine.
Guy: What's it called?
Girl: Children of Cain.
Guy: What's Cain?
Girl: I don't know. Dad?
Dad: I think it's from the Bible.
Guy: Ah.
Mom: Cain was from the Bible, he was one of two brothers. And I believe he did something naughty.
--Metro-North train
One Chow Fun, Coming Up
Lesbian #1: Shh, donā€™t say that! Call it ordering out.
Lesbian #2: Okay, fine. We haven't ordered out much lately, but do you still want to have sex with me?
--Q train
The Hearing Aid Went Out
Old woman: Did you hear what I said? Did you hear me?
Old man: I heard you, woman. But I can't hear you now!
--116th & Lenox
"This muffin tastes funny."
Shopgirl: Can I help anyone with anything?
Man: Yeah, can you give me a lobotomy? 'Cause I really need one.
Shopgirl: Sorry, no.
Man: C'mon, just bring out a sledgehammer!
--Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street
Snuffy Ain't No Secret Anymore
Guy: We have to figure out a way to get rid of her bird.
Girl: I hate birds like that. They're full of secrets and dust.
Guy: And lice and opinions.
--13th & A
"Do they fuck?"
Guy #1: So what are you doing this weekend?
Guy #2: I am heading out for my niece's birthday party.
Guy #1: Nice. Is she hot?
Guy #2: Well she's only 3, but she has some cute 4 year old friends I could introduce you to.
--Port Authority
Overheard by: Brian
The Other Kind of Baby Shower
Girl #1: ...but I mean, it would have been so cute if we had gotten pregnant at the same time...
Girl #2: Yeah, i'm kinda bummed...
Girl #1: We would totally get our abortions together!
Girl #2: Oh my god, we would!
--Columbia University
Overheard by: Penelope Galleon
The Colonel's 11th Spice
Girl: She is so fucking dirty. I swear, whenever she touches her hair she has to wash her hands.
Guy: Or make fried chicken.
--52nd & 10th
Knowing the Answers is the Point of a Test
Tween girl #1: So did you pick London for question #7?
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I think so. I think I did really well.
Tween girl #1: Yeah, me too. I just hope we don't have to take the test again.
Tween girl #2: Why would we have to take it again?
Tween girl #1: Well, if they get three or more lawsuits, they have to give everybody the test again.
Tween girl #2: But if they give it again, won't we know the answers? Are you saying they give us the 8th grade test?
Tween girl #1: No, they give us the 7th grade test.
Tween girl #2: So won't everyone know the answers?
Tween girl #1: No, I think they give us next year's 7th grade test, so we wouldn't know the answers.
--1 train
Overheard by: Starbuck Venice
Yeah, He Probably Was Stronger Than Her
Girl: This is not going to happen. My mother taught me respect. I know you understand that. I do not give it out on the train. Not my name, not my number. You understand that.
Dude: Yeah, I hear you. I can respect that. Nothin' but respect.
She gets off the train.
Dude: Man, I fucked way finer girls than that. I'm sayin', I could've got off the train with her and fucked that bitch.
--4 train
Overheard by: DA
That's the Ticket!
Crazy codger: I'm on the sex train. Wooha.
Conductor guy: Tickets, please.
Crazy codger: We're all gonna have fucking sex!
Conductor guy: Tickets.
Crazy codger: What the fuck do you want? Sex?
--LIRR
Overheard by: Dan
Jealous Doesn't Begin to Describe It
Chick: Are you Jon Lovitz?
Jon Lovitz: Jealous?
--Union Square
Stepmom is on the Fence
Girl: I have to go to the doctor soon.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Because I can't breathe.
Guy: That's not good.
Girl: Yeah, my dad doesn't think so either.
--Rubin Hall Residence, 5th Avenue
Posted 2006-02-24 |