February 2006 Archives

Robbie Sounds Like an Ashole

Girl #1: So, I don't know, I guess I'm giving up manicures for Lent.
Girl #2: Really? Shit! I'm not. Robbie would not be cool with that.

--Washington Square Park


Overheard by
: Katie M.


Posted 2006-02-28 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Go Back to Jersey, Girl

Chick: I'd do you.
Kevin Smith: No, you wouldn't. Not even if you were stoned and drunk.

--Jacob Javits Center


Overheard by
: Heather


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Test Some in a Kid First

Man: She needs to be on something.
Woman: She is; haven't you seen all the medicine bottles on her desk?
Man: She's got medicine on her desk? Let's go get some.

--50th & 8th


Overheard by
: Jelly Bean


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My Mom's Fucking Advice Was Way Off

Mom: ...and you have to hold my hand before we go out into the street.
Little girl: Best fucking advice ever.

--106th & Broadway


Overheard by
: djlindee


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Faith Isn't Quite Brain Surgery

Guy: How can you believe in God? You've never seen him.
Girl: Well, I believe you have a brain though I've never seen it!

--F train


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This Book's Really Shitty

Mom: You couldn't even wait 'til we got to the bathroom.
Little boy: I told you.
Mom: You know you coulda held it.

--Barnes & Noble, Union Square


Overheard by
: Ben Couch


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This Protractor's Really Shitty

Guy #1: Ever notice you can't fart on these subway seats?
Guy #2: I think it's the angle; I've had that problem before.

--4 train


Overheard by
: Mike


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This Cummerbund's Really Shitty

Guy: Why are you wearing tuxedo pants?
Jon Stewart: I want to raise my baby formally. It's black tie in the
house.

--Daily Show studios, 51st & 11th


Overheard by
: Jess McGins


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These Seats Are Really Shitty

Woman: Excuse me, where's the restroom?
Usher guy: Sixth seat on the right, ma'am.

--Eugene O'Neill Theater, West 49th Street


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Talk About Hitting the Right Note

Guy #1: Shouldn't you guys be out looking for jobs instead of practicing four part harmonies?
Songbo: Shouldn't you be sucking his dick?
Guy #2: He does have a point.

--R train


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Less Seeds

Chick: I wanna get some juice.
Guy: What juice?
Chick: POM juice.
Guy: Oh, please.
Chick: What's wrong with POM juice?
Guy: It tastes like pussy.
Chick: Like my pussy?

--Whole Foods, Union Square


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Prostate Cancer?

Girl #1: Sara, everything's not about you.
Girl #2: Everything's relevant to me.

--Fordham University, Lincoln Center


Overheard by
: Trix


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He Should Be Getting Her Drunk

Man: Do you work or go to school?
JAP: I work.
Man: Really? Because you look young.
JAP: How old do you think I am?
Man: 19?
JAP: Do you really think you should be hitting on a 19 year old girl?

--Falucka, Bleecker Street


Posted 2006-02-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Meanwhile, Mary Jo Looks Like Two-Face

Woman #1: Did anyone ever tell you that you look like Amy Fisher?
Woman #2: No.
Woman #1: Well, you do. I mean what she did was wrong and all, but she was a beautiful woman, so are you.

--6 train


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She Hails from Crawfordheim

Vendor guy: Do you like manga? Have you heard of yaoi?
Woman: I'm sorry. I'm German. I'm a little retarded when it comes to language.

--Jacob Javits Center


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Sorry, the Evil Priest Positions Have Been Filled

Woman #1: I've been thinking lately that I want to be a gynecologist.
Woman #2: That'd be so cute! You could deliver babies and everything!
Woman #1: Oh. Well. Actually, I don't really like children. I mean, I'd be willing to kill them, but I wouldn't really want to deliver them...

--Nevada Smith's, 3rd Avenue


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Meet Katrina Levy

Drunk girl #1: I have so many beads.
Drunk girl #2: Stop showing your tits!
Drunk girl #1: I can't!

--Mars 2112 ladies' room, 51st & Broadway


Overheard by
: Lauren Lerner


Posted 2006-02-27 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She's Calling It Rape Now?

Suit #1: So, they fired everyone in your department, but they offered you to stick around for two months and help them with the transition period?
Suit #2: Yeah, they said that there was a very good chance they would keep me on a permanent basis if everything went well.
Suit #1: And you said...
Suit #2: I told them to go fuck themselves. I mean, you can't come into my house, rape my mother, and then expect me to go out drinking with you.

--3 train


Overheard by
: J.J. Taveras


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"I can't read Arabic."

Woman: I want to report that there is a drawing of Hitler at the bottom of these stairs.
MTA lady: Well, is there anything anti-Semitic written with the drawing?

--225th Street 1 station


Overheard by
: adam


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Who's Your Daddy?

Man: Ay, Mami, looking good today...
Woman: Can't you see I am with my son?
Little boy: You're his mommy too?

--14th & 3rd


Overheard by
: Constantino


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That's Being Chi-curious

Girl #1: Wow. Akiva Goldsmith's really made something for himself...for a Jew.
Girl #2: God you're a racist.
Girl #1: What makes me a racist? I'm part Jewish.
Girl #2: An hour ago you asked me why all Asians look the same.

--Loews Lincoln Square, West 68th Street


Overheard by
: Pop Iris


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Until He Changed His Name at Tisch

Conductor: The man in the yellow hat, please get off the train. We
don't take passengers at Fordham.
Woman
: Isn't that Curious George's owner?


--Metro-North


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I'm Thinking Tisch

Girl: How do you like NYU so far?
Guy: I like it a lot.
Girl: So, are you at least bi-curious yet?

--8th & Broadway


Overheard by
: Kelvin M Loh



Guy
: Hey, I haven't seen you in, like, two years.

Girl #1: Yeah, not since that time we made out at Cristina's party...then you went to Paris.
Guy: ...I'm gay now.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #2: NYU boys should really come with warning labels.

--Waverly Building elevator, Waverly Place


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There's Plenty of Ass in the Mirror

Teen guy: You owe me a buck, I didn't complain about gettin' no ass all day.
Teen girl: How about a blowjob instead?
Teen guy: You serious?
Teen girl: Sure...
Teen guy: I bet you wouldn't be good anyways. It's a whole dollar.
Teen girl: Well, you missed out...
Teen guy: How about you come to my roof sometime?
Teen girl: Man-whore.
Teen guy: You can't call me that, I haven't gotten any ass in months.
Teen girl: Ha, ha. I get more ass than you!

--E train


Overheard by
: teenagersarefunny


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They Came from the Gap

Guy: ...Newborn babies are pretty small, yo.
Girl: Not small enough to fit in your pocket!
Guy: What if you were wearing cargo pants?

--A train


Overheard by
: rachel


Posted 2006-02-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Still Not Ready to Make a Commitment

Girl: Why don't you just make a list of things I need to change about myself so I can be more like you?
Guy: Okay, let's start with your tooth brushing. How about rinsing off the toothbrush before you put it back into the cabinet so there is not old toothpaste and spit dripping off of it? And how about rinsing after you brush?
Girl: Anything else?
Guy: No, I think that's the only thing you need to change about yourself.

--88th & Amsterdam


Overheard by
: Bill


Posted 2006-02-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

That International Five Ring Circus

Woman: So the Olympics are in Italy?
Man: Yeah, Torino.
Woman: Where's that?
Man: Italy.

--Bryant Park

Continue reading "That International Five Ring Circus"

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The Dead Don't Cry on Their LiveJournal

Girl #1: You should see this guy. He's like the reincarnation of Gerard Way.
Girl #2: Gerard Way's not dead.
Girl #1: He's emo. He's dead inside.

--E train


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Nah, He Never Needs to Transfer

God Squad lady: Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming!
Girl: Well, is he going to be getting off the S train? 'Cause I'll just meet him there.

--Port Authority


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Head You Win, Tail You Win

Hobo #1: Penny for the homeless?
Hobo #2: You've got to be universal, you can't just ask the pretty women.

--14th & Broadway


Overheard by
: Joe Q


Posted 2006-02-26 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Like a Big Blue Monster Sitting in Your Heart

Guy #1: Cookies!
Girl: I don't know if I want to bring in the cookies tomorrow; they're so heavy.
Guy #2: You know what's heavier? The guilt you'll feel for disappointing us.

--The Strand


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Barbie was Right About Math Class

Girl #1: I'm serious, I'm 23
Girl #2: No way you ain't. I'm 23, and I'm 28,

--Olive Garden, Times Square


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"Stop proving it."

Teen boy: Wow, look, my feet are bigger than yours!
Dad: So what? My dick is bigger than yours!

--Yankee Stadium


Overheard by
: Sarah


Posted 2006-02-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

We'd Think It's Performance Art

Guy #1: I just need a few dollars to get on the train. I lost my wallet.
Guy #2: Sorry, I'm broke. I don't have anything.
Guy #1: Everyone in this city is broke! No one wants to help anyone! They wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire!

--50th & Park


Overheard by
: Ethan


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That Doesn't Sound Like Aramaic

Yarmulke guy: Bush fascista, se tenemos ser la lista! Bush fascista, se tenemos ser la lista!
Woman: Do you think he's Orthodox?
Man: He's Orthodox crazy.

--G train


Overheard by
: quitecontrarian


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The Mona Lisa Just Burst Out Laughing

Guy: Hey, you seen that movie Grizzly Man yet?
Girl: No, but I really really want to.
Guy: Yeah, it's so good. Hey, you know they're making a movie about the bear guy? Already! And guess who's starring in it!
Girl: I dunno...
Guy: Leonardo da Vinci!
Girl: Who?
Guy: You know! Leonardo da Vinci! Leonardo da Vinci!

--New School elevator, 13th & 5th


Overheard by
: Halli Civelek


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Their Governor is a Big Dick

Store guy: Hello, how can I help you?
Chick: I'd like a meatball sub.
Store guy: would you like a six inch or footlong?
Chick: Footland.

--Subway, Bensonhurst


Overheard by
: Mike


Posted 2006-02-25 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

She's Right on the Mark

Guy: Hey, you`ve been reading that book for a long time.
Girl: It's a good book. It's my dad's. He already finished it. He's reading mine.
Guy: What's it called?
Girl: Children of Cain.
Guy: What's Cain?
Girl: I don't know. Dad?
Dad: I think it's from the Bible.
Guy: Ah.
Mom: Cain was from the Bible, he was one of two brothers. And I believe he did something naughty.

--Metro-North train


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One Chow Fun, Coming Up

Lesbian #1: Shh, don’t say that! Call it ordering out.
Lesbian #2: Okay, fine. We haven't ordered out much lately, but do you still want to have sex with me?

--Q train


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The Hearing Aid Went Out

Old woman: Did you hear what I said? Did you hear me?
Old man: I heard you, woman. But I can't hear you now!

--116th & Lenox


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"This muffin tastes funny."

Shopgirl: Can I help anyone with anything?
Man: Yeah, can you give me a lobotomy? 'Cause I really need one.
Shopgirl: Sorry, no.
Man: C'mon, just bring out a sledgehammer!

--Magnolia Bakery, Bleecker Street


Posted 2006-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Snuffy Ain't No Secret Anymore

Guy: We have to figure out a way to get rid of her bird.
Girl: I hate birds like that. They're full of secrets and dust.
Guy: And lice and opinions.

--13th & A


Posted 2006-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

"Do they fuck?"

Guy #1: So what are you doing this weekend?
Guy #2: I am heading out for my niece's birthday party.
Guy #1: Nice. Is she hot?
Guy #2: Well she's only 3, but she has some cute 4 year old friends I could introduce you to.

--Port Authority


Overheard by
: Brian


Posted 2006-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Other Kind of Baby Shower

Girl #1: ...but I mean, it would have been so cute if we had gotten pregnant at the same time...
Girl #2: Yeah, i'm kinda bummed...
Girl #1: We would totally get our abortions together!
Girl #2: Oh my god, we would!

--Columbia University


Overheard by
: Penelope Galleon


Posted 2006-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

The Colonel's 11th Spice

Girl: She is so fucking dirty. I swear, whenever she touches her hair she has to wash her hands.
Guy: Or make fried chicken.

--52nd & 10th


Posted 2006-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Knowing the Answers is the Point of a Test

Tween girl #1: So did you pick London for question #7?
Tween girl #2: Yeah, I think so. I think I did really well.
Tween girl #1: Yeah, me too. I just hope we don't have to take the test again.
Tween girl #2: Why would we have to take it again?
Tween girl #1: Well, if they get three or more lawsuits, they have to give everybody the test again.
Tween girl #2: But if they give it again, won't we know the answers? Are you saying they give us the 8th grade test?
Tween girl #1: No, they give us the 7th grade test.
Tween girl #2: So won't everyone know the answers?
Tween girl #1: No, I think they give us next year's 7th grade test, so we wouldn't know the answers.

--1 train


Overheard by
: Starbuck Venice


Posted 2006-02-24 EmailQuoteLinkDel.icio.us Facebook

Yeah, He Probably Was Stronger Than Her

Girl: This is not going to happen. My mother taught me respect. I know you understand that. I do not give it out on the train. Not my name, not my number. You understand that.
Dude: Yeah, I hear you. I can respect that. Nothin' but respect.

She gets off the train.

Dude: Man, I fucked way finer girls than that. I'm sayin', I could've got off the train with her and fucked that bitch.

--4 train


Overheard by
: DA


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That's the Ticket!

Crazy codger: I'm on the sex train. Wooha.
Conductor guy: Tickets, please.
Crazy codger: We're all gonna have fucking sex!
Conductor guy: Tickets.
Crazy codger: What the fuck do you want? Sex?

--LIRR


Overheard by
: Dan


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Jealous Doesn't Begin to Describe It

Chick: Are you Jon Lovitz?
Jon Lovitz: Jealous?

--Union Square


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Stepmom is on the Fence

Girl: I have to go to the doctor soon.
Guy: Why?
Girl: Because I can't breathe.
Guy: That's not good.
Girl: Yeah, my dad doesn't think so either.

--Rubin Hall Residence, 5th Avenue


Posted 2006-02-24