Wednesday One-liners Appeal to the Prurient Interest

Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out. –1 train Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll. –4th & A Overheard by: cio Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some! –81st & Broadway Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow… –55th & Broadway Overheard by: Marko Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway. –Washington Heights FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her. –48th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: John Gullotta

You'd Think People Of Mediterranean Descent Would All Get Along Swimmingly

Guido: Excuse me, miss? Miss? Have I seen you in my church?
20-something girl: No.
Guido: No, no, I definitely saw you in my church. We go to the same one.
20-something girl, sighing: Sir… If I went to any house of worship, it'd be a synagogue. And I stay as far away from those as possible. Have a nice day now.
Guido: Aaaaawww, I liiike you! –82nd & Broadway

Something About That Offer Does Not Compute.

Creepy old guy: Hey hun, do you know you can get Windows 7.0 for less than $25.
Cute girl: Okay…
Creepy old guy: Alright! Gimme your phone number and I'll help you out. –25th St & 3rd Ave

…I Should Probably Go Get That Checked Out.

Vendor #1, loudly: Do you have Munchhausen's syndrome?
Vendor #2: Which one is that?
Vendor #1: It's the one where you're obsessed with going to the hospital.
Vendor #2: Oh, yeah. Probably. –Flea Market, Brooklyn Overheard by: A