He’s More of a Skype Dude

Woman #1: I called him and I called him, and he kept letting it go to voice mail!
Woman #2: Well, maybe he wasn’t there. Or maybe he just didn’t want to talk to you.
Woman #1: But, like, it could’ve been Jesus on the phone! And he wasn’t answering!
Woman #2: Uh, Jesus wouldn’t call on a cell phone. –M15 bus

Wednesday One-Liners Take Root

Guy: He totally harassed my mother into getting a haircut. It was basically like rape. Except, you know, with a haircut. –6 train Overheard by: Always Amazed 20-something: It’s one of those bars in Williamsburg that you can’t get in unless you have a mustache. –Brooklyn-bound L train College girl: Do you want glow-in-the-dark body hair? –LIRR, Penn Station Overheard by: catherine Chick in elevator: I don’t complain about stuff. Well, maybe my hair, but only because my hair is, like, really, really important! –NYU Palladium Tourist dad braiding wife’s hair: … And that’s what they mean by ‘nappy-headed hos.’ –Central Park South Overheard by: eric Chick with Pirate Queen playbill: Besides, you could tell that the other clan wasn’t going to get very far, because the clan leader just didn’t have very good hair. –44th & 9th Overheard by: Rose Fox Flight attendant: Everyone, please remain seated until the captain turns off the ‘Fasten seatbelt’ sign. That includes annoying little girls with dark brown, curly hair. –JetBlue flight, JFK

No Comment.

NYU girl #1: What the hell is the professor talking about? We can't use the internet to do research?
NYU girl #2: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
NYU girl #1: I mean, an article in The New York Times is totally an academic resource, even if I look at it on their web page. Does she think The New York Times isn't right?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, fuck her!
NYU girl #1: I also cited the bible in my paper, but that's totally an academic source. –Waverly Place

Mom: Enjoy the Army, Sweetie

High school kid: I’m thinking of staying in the city for school.
Friend: Really?
High school kid: Yeah, I kinda want to stay in my apartment.
Friend: Oh, I thought it would be to party or something. Why would you want to live at home?
High school kid: Oh, don’t worry, I’m going to kick my mom out first. –Penn Station Overheard by: courtney

On the Plus Side, You Know How to Divide Your Legs.

Girl #1: How do you find the area of a triangle again?
Girl #2: Add the bottom and top sides and multiply the sum by the height. Then divide everything by two.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! I can't believe I forgot that, I'm so stupid. Thanks! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Celia Kim

Wednesday One-Liner — As Seen in Coming to America

Little British girl: Mummy, I absolutely love Queens. It is like being in the city, but you are really still in the countryside! –Astoria Overheard by: has actually been to the countryside Hipster to hipster friends: I could never live in a place called Queens. –Ave B & E 4th St Overheard by: PROUD QUEENS NATIVE… Conductor: You may also transfer here to the g train to Queens. Queens, which was named after Freddie Mercury. –F Train Loud recently released passenger: I love Queens. Love Queens. I don't want to be locked up anywhere but Queens. –Metro North Rail Overheard by: bunbury

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls. –Flushing, Queens Overheard by: Tara Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?! –NYU Kimmel Center Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU? Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate! –M104 Bus Overheard by: Samantha Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men! –Bergdorf Goodman Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money. –Borders, Columbus Circle Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?