All Hitler Really Wanted at Munich

Crazy guy: Somebody needs to give me the right hand! No one is ever willing to give me the right hand. Why won’t anyone give me a right hand?
Timid guy, sitting across from him: [raises his right hand]
Crazy guy: Thank you.

–1 train

Overheard by: Only had the left hand

Anthony Michael Hall: “Can I Borrow Your Wednesday One-Liners for 10 Minutes?”

Professor: They make disposable everything these days. Disposable diapers, disposable razors. They even make edible underwear, don't they? (class is silent) Yes! They do! (pause) Maybe I'm telling you more about myself than I should be…

–Wagner College

Girl: Wait, my panties!

–Franklin St

Guy on phone: I told you to take your thong off!

–60th & Columbus

Man: I do not want to know your bra size! Ever!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Christina M.

Guy on cell: He wore boxers and it was like, "okay, so you hang to the left…"

–W 46th St

Older gentleman to lady friend: If this keeps up, I'm going to have to start wearing underwear.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Kat

Grr Power

Businesschick: Can we have a male do this job?
Businesswoman: Who are you going to find?
Businesschick: You throw another female in the mix, we’re going to go off the deep end. –Midtown office

Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?

Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!

–Dos Caminos, Soho

Overheard by: Tommy

One Nation, Under the Crown

Australian guy: Hey there, mate! I was just wondering if you were hiring staff.
Irish bar man: Yeah, we are, but you will have to speak with the boss. He is gonna be back in about 10 minutes. Do you have any experience?
Australian guy: Well, yeah, I’ve been doin’ this for about three years back home in Sydney.
Irish bar man: That’s great… Sure, I’ll put in a good word for you. I’m getting sick of all the foreigners that they keep hiring.


Headline by: Barry Negrin


Runners-Up:
· “52-Across: “Foreigners” Ans: N-O-N-W-H-I-T-E” – Eddie
· “Between the Long Islanders and the Brooklynites, this place is going to hell” – M.dubz
· “I only hear in black and white” – h
· “I’ll have a shot of contradiction with an irony backer” – LN
· “It’s getting so hard to find people who speak American.” – Noh
· “See? Even THEY Can’t Tell Their Accents Apart!” – Jatmos
· “Will the last American to leave NYC please remember to bring the flag?” – Beth
· “You should have seen this Injun that came in yesterday” – trainedmonkey




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