Does This Mean He’ll Stop Paying Me?

Girl #1: He called me his girlfriend today.
Girl #2: Really?!
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Oh my god, that’s nuts. What did he say?
Girl #1: Well, he described me as his ’20-year-old, beautiful girlfriend.’
Girl #2: Oh my god.
Girl #1: Yeah. I mean, it’s awesome, but I don’t know what that means. He probably just, like, said it because ‘girlfriend’ is a much nicer word than, like, ‘whore.’

–Lafayette & Astor Pl

The Surest Way to a Man's Heart: Through Your Large Intestine.

30-something woman #1: It's only a matter of time when you start dating a guy before he asks you the question.
30-something woman #2: What question?
30-something woman #1: C'mon, the thing that every guy asks for in bed.
30-something woman #2: Ooooooohhhh, anal sex.
30-something woman #1: That's the question!

–E Train to Queens

Overheard by: butt, of course

Headline by: Brian Costlow

· “Alex, I’ll Take “Things That Will Never Happen” for $100″ – The Trayster
· “Gotta Stop Meeting Boyfriends at the Pray Out The Gay Sessions.” – KJM
· “I Always Keep My Strap-on in My Purse – Just in Case.” – Sodajerk
· “I Just Hope He Doesn’t Ask at a Baseball Game. Too Cliche.” – pieski
· “Pooping the Question” – tech98
· “Reason #32 to Be a Lesbian” – Trey Jackson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Lost the Chess Match

Exasperated hipster chick on cell, rolling eyes: Well, you probably should have known. I mean, I told you yesterday it was a terrible idea to go out and get wasted the night before you work with cadavers…

–83rd & 1st

Overheard by: i’ll remember that for next time…

Little boy pointing to top of Trump Tower: If I fell off of that, I would die!

–Trump Tower

Overheard by: Horrified

Suit to another: … So at, like, four a.m. this morning I rolled over to feel her, and she was, like, dead.

–44th & 8th

Overheard by: Glad I’m not sleeping with him

Old lady on cell: Well, I may be dead by then, so it might be a waste of your money.

–Fairway, 73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessie

Man on cell: … Yeah, but wouldn’t my witness getting killed be bad?

–Key Food, Kew Gardens Hills, Queens

Overheard by: kilbasi

Third grader: Miss Hannah, let’s make a deal — if you give me an ax, I’ll give you 10 corpses.

–PS 41

Overheard by: Student Teacher

You Can See Wednesday's One-Liners from the Back

Girl on phone with mom: It was the worst day of my life! Ducky and Phil were both in the car smoking, thinking they were above the law and shit. And I know the cops were just questioning me because I had big boobs.

–1 Train

Girl: Hold on, you're garotting your boob.

–170th St & Audubon Ave

Large black woman on cell phone: It doesn't my fault he was sucking on my titties in the club…

–Penn Station

Gay design student to female friend: You'll get to meet Ryan, the guy I have a crush on. He's doing the costume designs, so he's gonna touch your boobs and stuff. Get excited.

–Union Square

Skinny black dude on cell entering office tower: Yes, youse is fat… But you got big soft titties.

–54th & 6th

Overheard by: Gregorian Chant