Man on cell: I had a great time last night… Yeah, I got home really late, too. I lost my scarf, but I gained a boa… [Louder] A boa… [Louder still] A boa… Black.
–Q train over Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: Tyler
Crazy hipster: I always suspected them of wearing coats!
–L train
Overheard by: brian Sabowski
Chick: You know, if you lift your skirt up and the guy still doesn’t respond, maybe you should give up the ghost.
–Marquee, 26th & 10th
Dude: You know, it’s probably because the aluminum foil in your fedora is melting.
–Gramercy Park
Overheard by: i work with this
Girl: I was, like, covered in beer. I didn’t even know where my skirt was.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Dude on cell: … But when you’re sick, you don’t wear pants.
–Red Cat, 10th Ave
Tourist girl, excited: I just bought this 100 percent cashmere scarf for five bucks! I just gotta find out what kinda fabric it’s made out of.
–Chinatown
Overheard by: Jen & Paul
Archive for February, 2007
Wednesday One-Liners for Steve Guttenberg
Tall, broad cop speaking loudly and very slowly to disabled man: Now, if you took that cane and swung it and aimed it, and you hit that guy in the head, that was not an accident.
–Ramp to pedestrian lane of Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Audrey
Traffic cop with megaphone: I never drove one of these things before!
–34th & Broadway
Guy: So, they found him sleeping in the dumpster again so they reported it to his commanding officer. And he’s like, ‘Why is is this officer sleeping in a dumpster when he’s supposed to be out on patrol?’
–N train
Overheard by: sara n.
Perky queer: … So then I played a cop! And I beat a guy up!
–76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Double-Paned Insulated, Baby!
Man #1: I don’t know, do they have windows in Alaska?
Man #2: You mean like Microsoft Windows?
Man #1: No, I mean like windows.
–N platform, Union Square
Bacon Is What?
Girl: But it’s a vegan restaurant. They don’t serve hamburgers.
Guy: So I’ll just get a BLT.
–W 23rd St
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
The Capable Individuals Who Tabulate the US Census
Spanish guy: She’s half Spanish.
Black woman: No, she’s black.
Spanish guy: No, she’s half Spanish.
Black woman: She ain’t no half Spanish. Her name is Juanita. That don’t sound Spanish to me.
–Holiday Inn, 57th & 10th
Overheard by: CGS
It Was Like Something in Me Just Snapped
Hot 20-something redhead: So that’s why you barely said hello when I got back from Mexico?!
Hot 20-something blonde: Uh-huh.
Hot 20-something redhead: You were in a bad mood because your vibrator broke?!
–West Village
I Use Them to Fend Off the Unwanted Attentions of Strangers
Man reading book: Oh, what stop is this?
Man exiting train: 96th Street. By the way, you really do have the most beautiful hands and fingers I’ve ever seen.
Man reading book: Oh, thanks.
–96th St station
In Every Job That Must Be Done There Is an Element of Fun
Guy #1 flipping through showbill: So, what else has Mary Poppins done?
Girl #1: Greg*.
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: Oh, yeah — you know Greg from work? Apparently he did the chick playing Mary Poppins back when they were both living in LA. He lost his virginity to her, in fact.
Girl #2: Wait, wait — you know a dude who cashed in his V card with Mary Poppins? Oh my god, that is just all sorts of awesome!
–Intermission of Mary Poppins
Since the Dutch, Really
Girl to man who held door for her: Thank you.
Man: I love you.
Girl to friend: Nobody in New York has any respect anymore.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: Elise C-K
And Here’s Me Just Using Mine for Sex and Pissing Like a Sucker!
NYU bimbette #1: I found out he’s uncircumcised.
NYU bimbette #2: I know. I can tell from the way he talks.
–NYU dorm lobby
Overheard by: ashamed