Confused college student: My new cell phone is so ghetto. It lights up when it rings. It’s like a Las Vegas show. But I think the inside is nice. It’s like when you have a really crappy house, but it’s well-decorated. Like, on the interior…
Queer friend: Yeah, that’s how Koreans live.
–ArtePasta Restaurant, Greenwich Ave
Overheard by: Smarter College Student
Archive for March, 2007
Why Camus Wrote The Plague
Chick #1: You can’t, like, wear all black.
Chick #2: Well, not unless you’re a beatnik.
Chick #1: What’s that?
Chick #2: You know, the guys who wear berets and play the bongos?
Chick #1: Like the French?
Chick #2: [Nods.]
Chick #1: Who knew they had bongos in France?!
–Manhattan-bound 7 train
Overheard by: Smarter than these two
Live Fast, Die Young, Get Lost on the Way to Hoboken
Bassist: This is going to Jersey, right?
Bandmate: Yeah, no one would let us go this far if we weren’t.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re going to Hoboken.
Bandmate: Is Hoboken a city?
Bassist: No, it’s a street or avenue.
Bandmate: Hoboken Street, yeah.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re definitely going to Jersey. Someone would tell us if we weren’t.
–Crowded Brooklyn-bound L train
Overheard by: brooklyn3
Steven Tyler Was in a Stall, and the Rest Is History
Attendant lady: Excuse me, this is the ladies’ room.
Primping man: Oh! I’m just such a lady, sometimes I forget.
–Joe’s Pub
She Bangs the Drummer Slowly
Woman: I said, ‘You know — percussion,’ and she said, ‘What’s that? Like, horns?’
Man: Wow. And she’s the assistant for Stewart Copeland?
–Elevator, Union Square
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
What’s It Like?
Girl #1: What are you buying?
Girl #2: Glue.
Girl #1: Why?
Creepster behind them: For sex.
Girl #2: No.
Creepster: She’s buying it for sex.
Girl #2: Actually, no.
Creepster: Glue is for sex.
Girl #2: No, it’s for eyelashes.
Creepster: Haha. Sex.
Girl #2: It’s glue.
Creepster: Oh, I thought you said, ‘lube.’ Lube is for sex.
Girls: [Silence.]
Creepster: Haha. Sex.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Shubester
That’s Some Sandwich
Mom to five-year-old son eating sandwich at a wake: Put that sandwich down! Your grandfather is dead and you’re eating a sandwich!
Boy: [Spits out food and drops sandwich to floor] Is he alive now?
–Bronx
Overheard by: Culturally Confuzzled Human
Her Dreadlocks Were a Total Loss, Though
Chick #1: Yeah, she threw up in her bed.
Chick #2: And then she walked around throwing up all over the room.
Guy: Well, maybe it’s a blessing in disguise because it finally got her to wash her sheets.
–Houston & Broadway
And You Know They’re a Gateway Snack Cake
Society woman #1: I had no idea she had fallen so far.
Society woman #2: I swear! Not one, not two, but three Ho Hos! And so I said, ‘But this is only lunch!’
–52nd & 5th
I Must Be Developing an Immunity to the Drugs Again
Little kid: I was born in India!
Older brother: No you weren’t.
Little kid: Oh… The stupidness is coming back.
–Asian Peoples wing, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Lara