Conductor: Welcome to another day on the N train, ladies and gentlemen. If you will look out the window to your right you will see absolutely nothing!
Conductor on speaker: Kings Highway?! Why’s it gotta be Kings Highway?
–B train, Kings Highway station
Overheard by: I feel his pain
Lady conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen, blah blah blah, blah blah blah. If you need to get to 28th Street, 23rd Street, or 18th Street, well, you’re screwed.
–1 train, 34th St
Overheard by: Nettle
Conductor: There’s another train right behind us. There really is. I can see the lights. It could be a bus, but we are in a tunnel underground with tracks running through it, so I’m sure there is another F train behind us.
Overheard by: I can see the light too
Conductor: Please take small children as you exit the train… Oh… I mean, please take small children by the hand as you leave the train.
–NJ Transit, Penn Station
Cheerful conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no downtown 2 train, but luckily we’re going uptown, so it doesn’t matter.
Overheard by: andy kleiman
Conductor: We’re not the NYPD or the FDNY, New York’s finest and bravest. Above or below ground, we’re the MTA, and we move New York. Ya heard?!
–A train, between 125th & 59th St