Archive for March, 2007

The Gospel According to Johanna

Preppy girl: He was nice — really successful, owns his own apartment… I just wasn’t into him. He kept trying to hook up and I just wanted to be left alone. He proceeded to jerk off into his pajama pants. Oh, and by the way, it took about 40 seconds. I didn’t even have enough time to react. He then rolled over and went to sleep in it! The worst part is that he’s still calling me. Hello, buddy — you jerked off into your own pants and slept in your own cum. Yeah, we’re not gonna work.
Guy friend: That’s awesome! Who can I tell next?

–47th & Lex

Rorschach Hands: the New Psychoanalytical Technique

Professor: When vassals would take an oath of loyalty they would kneel in front of the king and put their hands like this [puts hands in prayer position]. Now, what does this look like?
Student: A vagina?
Professor: No! Praying! It looks like praying!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Marina C


Headline by: belle


Runners-Up:
· “Either way, it helps to kneel.” – Lindsey
· “From The Da Vinci Code’s deleted scenes.” – nick
· “In a refreshing move from the anus, today’s headline contest is brought to you by the vagina. That’s right, Overheard in New York is wiping back-to-front.” – erak
· “Now Get Your Cock Up In This” – B.M.D.
· “Okay, maybe a LITTLE prayer in schools wouldn’t hurt” – space coyote
· “Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal” – Clof




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

If He Gives a Shit about Cards, He Is

Girl trying to find a card for her boyfriend: See, this one is too girly. And this one is more boyish and really nice… but it’s so sparkly!
Dude: Well, there are many sparkleful guys out there. Maybe your boyfriend is one.

–Hallmark Store, Staten Island Mall

You Done with That Needle?

Study group girl #1: I totally had no idea that hepatitis had anything to do with your liver.
Study group girl #2: Oh, I know! I thought it was just a disease. You know, like AIDS.

–Hormann Library, Wagner College, Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Have Their Own Laugh Track

Queer on cell: … And all this blood came out! It was really a lot… What? No, I told him to go in the bathroom and get cleaned up! Turkish prison? … No, I get it, it’s just not funny.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Manhattman

Flight attendant: Folks, we do ask if you have a turkey sandwich that you put some mustard on it and hand it to me as I walk down the aisle… Not funny? Oh, I thought it was.

–Jet Blue Flight 32 to Rochester, NY

Little girl to father: Everything in here is old and looks funny.

–Museum of Natural History

Guy: It wasn’t funny until he hurt himself — then it was fucking hilarious.

–Subway station, 28th & Park

Blonde: I’m not, like, racist or anything. I just think racism is really funny!

–Broadway

Overheard by: Homeless Guy

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Drink and Download Music

First year law student on phone with mom: All I do anymore is study and have sex!

–Fordham University

Frat boy: … But the thing that really almost got me kicked out of college was when we installed the zip line…

–14th & University

Overheard by: rachel

Bimbette: I feel, like, if you can read and write, you’re set for life.

–1 train

Overheard by: Fatty McFingers

NYU ditz: Oh, I know, I love philosophy classes. You can just feel your mind turning in new ways, grasping at straws.

–Veselka

Overheard by: Bean

Blonde on cell: Well, duh, Dad. Obviously I wouldn’t take an archeology class if I wasn’t interested in what it’s like to be an architect… Yeah, an archeologist — that’s exactly what I said.

–Lincoln Center

Girl to lab instructor: Should I start thinking now?

–Barnard College

La Cage Aux Wednesday One-Liners

Queer on cell: And then, at the end of the evening, I was like, ‘Ta ta, motherfucker.’

–PATH train from Hoboken

Queer: There’s no such thing as gay and straight. I think of it more in terms of what people will let me do to them.

–101st & Broadway

Queer: She is so annoying. I’m like, ‘I’ll pay for your coffin, just die already!’

–E train

Overheard by: Miss Meliss

Flaming queer on cell: Hello? Are you listening to me? Are you listening, faggot? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot!

–Broadway & Astor Pl

Overheard by: Renee B.

Proud queer: Today was the first time in years I peed like this! [Holds hands up] Didn’t have to wash my hands because I didn’t use ‘em!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Hametuka

Queer: Her name is Dakota! It’s just awful. Her parents hate her.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: emily