Guy #1: So, I was at this thing last night playing guitar or whatever, and my friend Ashley* is eating out this fat guy’s asshole…
Guy #2: What?!
Guy #1: Yeah, seriously.
–Dorm elevator, Fordham University, Lincoln Center
Overheard by: OnlyinNY
Archive for May, 2007
Better — They Got Written Permission for Birth Control
Crackhead #1: You went to Catholic school?
Crackhead #2: Yeah… Well, not for long ’cause I got kicked out for punching a nun in the face.
Crackhead #1: Wow. Did your parents get their money back, at least?
–L train
Good to Know There’s Some Common Ground
Black guy #1 walking behind a lady with kid: Damn! I didn’t know white women had butts like our black women.
Black guy #2: Me neither.
–Liberty Ave, Queens
Overheard by: nycgal
Mom’s a Reluctant Convert to Heterosexuality
Little boy: But Mom, what is my penis for?
Mom: I told you, if you have questions about that stuff, ask Daddy — not Mommy!
–Central Park South
Overheard by: L.L.
Unless It’s the One that Says “Punch Me in the Face”
Male employee #1 refolding shit-load of shirts: If I ever see a girl on the street wearing one of these shirts, I’m gonna punch her in the face.
Male employee #2: Yeah.
–Urban Outfitters, 11th & 2nd
Overheard by: Shelby
His Tongue Is All Purple, Though
Woman #1: So, what you think about Duane?
Woman #2: Girl, he all up in my Kool-Aid and he don’t even know the flavah!
–Deli, Brooklyn
Overheard by: cloisterpunk
No Further Humps after That
Redhead: … And he’s been bottling this all up and I guess my freak-out just pushed him over the edge.
Blonde: Yeah, totally. Like the straw that tipped the camel over…
–Haru, 18th & Park
I’m Happy to Let a Man Drive
Tourist girl: Excuse me, does this bus go to 61st?
Bus driver: Yeah.
Tourist girl: How much is it?
Bus driver: 20 bucks… or a kiss [points to cheek].
Tourist girl: Okay!
Friend: What is with you and public transportation workers?!
–Bus stop, 49th & Madison
A Tranny in the Clam Is Worth Two in the Tush
Artsy 30-something #1: I remember this one photograph — this beautiful transsexual Latino in a clam like the Venus de Milo.
Artsy 30-something #2: Yes, I actually helped organize that picture.
Artsy 30-something #1: Oh, really? How was she?
Artsy 30-something #2: Beautiful. She lactated.
Artsy 30-something #1: Nice.
–Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: No milk in my tea, thanks….
Headline by: bri b
Runners-Up:
· “HeShe’s a Lactina.” – Amanda Lee
· “Out of her penis.” – Kate
· “Wait until you see my menstrating Pieta” – Sean McGurr
· “We named it Penis de Milko” – Erez Schatz
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
But, You Know, I Always See the Good in People
Man #1: She’s got a kid, and I want no part of that. But I like her a lot…
Man #2: Right.
Man #1: I mean, she’s not that attractive, you know, but she has a nice ass.
–3 train
Overheard by: rat