Archive for May, 2007

Wednesday One-Liners Get the Freudian Slip

Announcer before start of women’s race: Women, please be careful of men trying to go in from behind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Omar

Man: Wow, this is the most nuts I’ve ever had in my mouth at one time!

–Chocolate shop, Jane St & 8th Ave

Chick pointing at T-Rex: Oh my god, it’s so big! Don’t you wanna just ride it?

–Museum of Natural History

Conductor: Sorry, folks. Looks like I’m having some trouble in my rear.

–C train

Overheard by: mosteen.

MTA employee: Don’t just stick it in… No, you have to ease it in and glide it through.

–A/C/E subway entrance, 44th St

Overheard by: Patrick

Mom to hubby holding sunscreen: Honey, did you lube up the kids?

–Central Park, near 96th St tennis courts

Lady to lesbian coworker: I wish somebody would warm up my muffin.

–1250 Broadway

Lindsay Reps Her Own Urine These Days

Hobo putting hand on Justin Timberlake look-alike’s shoulder: Oh, shit! It’s Justin Timberlake, everybody!
Look-alike: Uh, what?
Tourist teenybopper: Can I have your autograph, please?
Look-alike: I’m not Justin Timberlake.
Tourist teenybopper: But you are.
Hobo, to look-alike: Dude, you work with me here, okay? We’ll do business. [To train] Ten bucks for Justin Timberlake’s autograph, everyone! For 20 bucks he’ll dance for you.
Tourist teenybopper: I have five dollars…
Hobo: We’re in business!
Look-alike: I’m going to kill you.
Hobo, to look-alike: Damn, this is the best plan I’ve ever come up with! Except for the time I tried to sell Lindsay Lohan’s piss for 20 bucks. Well, it was actually my own piss. I think God put me on this Earth to fuck with people.

–4 train

US Military: Sign Here, Please

Crazy black guy: Yeah, man. You gotta get ‘em while you far away so they don’t know who you is! Just pop! Gone.
Hobo: Yeah!
Crazy black guy: Man, I’d love to kill a man from far away!
Hobo: Haha!

–23rd & Park Ave South

Overheard by: lady v