Archive for May, 2007

Guy Did Have a Nice Ass, Though

Man #1: Yo, man! Get your ass out of my face! I ain’t no faggot.
Man #2, bent over: I’m sorry.
Man #1: I oughta put my shoe up your ass.
Man #2: I’m sorry.
Man #1: What, you didn’t see me sitting here? I don’t want your ass in my face.
Man #2: I’m sorry.
Man #1: No, you’re not.
Man #2: No, I really am sorry. I apologize. I’m sorry [quickly disembarks at next stop].
Man #1: Did you see that? I ain’t no fag.

–4 train

Got a Match?

Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you’re coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn’t tell.

–9th St, between Ave A & B

Overheard by: rpk

Helen Thomas: Um, Follow-up Question, Mr. Slacker?

Dude #1: So, the other night I killed a mouse by rolling over on it in my sleep.
Dude #2: How did you know you killed it? Did you feel it or just wake up and find it there?
Dude #1: Yeah, when I woke up in the morning I looked over and was like, ‘Oh, a mouse,’ and then I took a picture.

–Ciao for Now, 12th St & Ave A

Overheard by: Coffee drinker who just lost her appetite

I’m Never Gonna Multiply

Grunge rocker teen on cell: Oh, yeah, the book A Wrinkle in Time… It’s, like, one of those books they make you read in sixth grade… Yeah, sixth grade. Six… Like, two divided by three — six.

–Q88 bus

Overheard by: Michelle