Chick #1: Thanks, bitch.
Chick #2: I’m obsessed with you!
Chick #1: A restraining order couldn’t stop my love.
–Canal St, Chinatown
Overheard by: i’m scared
Archive for June, 2007
And, Like, What Kind of School Involves Factory Labor?
Latina #1 pushing stroller: Mira! Today was the first day of David’s school!
Latina #2: Damn! It start so quickly already?
Latina #1: Yeah, I went to drop David and met with the principal. He seemed a bit shady.
Latina #2: Shady? Like how?
Latina #1: I dunno. He was going on about how he treat everybody in school like his own children. I was like, ‘Hold up! What family has so many kids, anyway?’
–9th & 4th
You’re Right, But for the Wrong Reasons.
Woman: You won’t take a fifty? Why won’t you take a fifty? This is outrageous! You don’t have a checker pen? You just check it with a checker pen! You need to get a checker pen. Oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening!
Counter chick: It’s company policy, we can’t take fifties. Nothing bigger than a twenty. But this drink is on the house.
Woman: I don’t want it on the house! I want to pay!
Counter chick: Don’t worry about it. It’s on the house. You don’t have to pay.
Woman: Well, this is the craziest thing I ever heard! You won’t let me pay! This is my husband’s fault! He owns a nightclub and he won’t give me a credit card. All he gives me is cash from the till! All I have is fifties and hundreds! I have a whole purse full of them! And you won’t let me pay! I feel like I’m homeless or something! Oh my god, this is so embarrassing.
–Jamba Juice, 5th & 23rd
Overheard by: oliver tomorrow
Such a Good Boy
Mom: Honey, you better behave while you stay at Daddy’s house this weekend.
Five-year-old boy: If he doesn’t buy me a new toy, I’m going to slice his sausage open!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Ashley
Maybe in Version 2.0
Girl #1: Ewww! That doughnut looks like it’s covered in cum.
Girl #2: Mmm… If cum tasted like this I would give head everyday… I wish I tasted like this.
Girl #1: Word.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Alex Berger
“Soulmate” Conversations Are Graded on a Sliding Scale
Lady: Oh, man, I hate it when it rains, because there’s water and you get wet.
Male companion: Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
–6 train, 86th & Lex
Overheard by: Beth
Jesus Plays the Race Card
Black guy: Here, this is for you, man, ’cause you look like Jesus.
Homeless guy: I thought Jesus was black!
Black guy, coming back: For that, my man, you get a dollar.
–55th & Broadway
Overheard by: Tony Jones
Every Day’s a Gift, Babe. Shoes Are a Bonus
Mom: Will you look at that — a shoe store!
Four-year-old girl: Isn’t it magical?
–Payless Shoe Store, Astoria
It’s a Stinky Slope
Old hobo, to no one: Don’t start smellin’!
Young hobo: Are you serious?
Old hobo: You think I’m jokin’?
–W 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jon A.
I Should Take That Class at the New School
Girl #1: So, basically, if I keep having sex with him I continue to get drugs for free.
Girl #2: No one ever offers me drugs for sex.
Girl #1: Well, I guess you just don’t have that street-whore quality about you.
–E train
Overheard by: melanie