Hot chick: Pardon me — can I get a top off?
Barista: Excuse me?!
–Vox Pop, Cortelyou Rd, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Disappointed
Archive for July, 2007
Enjoy the Rest of Your Stay in Imaginary New York
Tourist: We’re going to the opera tonight!
Waitress: Wonderful! Which opera are you going to see?
Tourist: Phantom!
Waitress, after stunned silence: … You’re gonna love it!
–Del Frisco’s, 6th Ave
No More Caffeine for You
Teen girl #1: I’m tired.
Teen girl #2: Don’t worry, we’ll stimulate you… [starts to flail limbs everywhere] … with a dance! Woo!
–Dunkin’ Donuts
It’s Like Art Just Imitates Things
Woman #1: Look, they have cobras here! Are they real?
Woman #2: [Looks on silently.]
Woman #1: Oh, they’re bronze.
–The Met
Technically, Walter Is Your Uncle
Five-year-old girl #1 on seesaw: Did you know that I have a boyfriend?
Five-year-old girl #2 on seesaw: No.
Five-year-old girl #1 on seesaw: Yes, I do. I have a boyfriend. He even kissed me on the lips, so he’s my boyfriend.
–Playground, Bleecker St
Especially Since They Had to Keep Pausing to Fight the Dinosaurs
Bimbette #1: … And the pyramids! It’s like, you know, a total miracle! They’re huge! How did they build them without modern day cranes and stuff?
Bimbette #2: Yeah, I know, it’s… mystical! And the same thing with Eiffel Tower. I went to Paris last year, and that thing is just so high! Really, how did they manage to build something like that without equipment?!
–Museum of Natural History
We Don’t Have to Make a Fuss about Our Origins
Black 12-year-old boy: Are you Japanese?
Asian 20-year-old guy: Ummm, no…
Black 12-year-old boy: Oh… Chinatownese?
Asian 20-year-old guy: What?
Black 12-year-old boy: Taiwa– I mean, Taiwanese? Thailandonian?
Asian 20-year-old guy: No. I’m American.
–72nd St station
Overheard by: Dave Carpenter
Serial Recriminations Are Better?
Yuppie #1: All you need to do is have sex with one girl at the start of the party, and then all the girls at the party will want to fuck you. It’s like invincibility!
Yuppie #2: That’s not invincibility! That’s much better.
–Outside Lorimer L train
Overheard by: Kevin
Oh, No, Honey. Those Are Just Gangstas
Mother: Be careful, sweetie, because there are criminals everywhere in New York!
Little girl: Look! There’s a taxi full of criminals!
–Outside Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Annie Dechant
You’re Not the Only Store in Town
Chick: Please, please, please get these for me.
Guy: [Laughs, shakes his head.]
Chick: I promise I’ll give it to you 10 times today.
Guy: I don’t need you to. I get it every day.
Chick: No, you don’t! You haven’t gotten it in a month!
–Sneaker store, 82nd & Roosevelt
Overheard by: Liza